A stressed situation

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When you see it, stress is good.

Right now I’m going through some hardships. Getting a six-pack has basically nothing to do with my survivability. My finance is a whole other story, I will be challenged all the way to the end of May, which gives me about €80,- a month to buy food and that is not really a lot. There’s an enormous challenge for me to end these months. But it’s not really the result that is important for me. The thing that makes it for important for me is the person I become. Because this really is a challenge and I will be determined to go through these difficult months.

I had a financial plan in my mind, but unfortunately, it is an ideal plan. For these months all I need to do is to survive. I can’t afford the luxury product anymore, which gives me a sort of bad feeling, but it’s not that important right now. These months I will need to spend my time, energy and money on my survivability. Right now I can’t afford to spend my time on my hobbies so to speak. I love gaming, but there’s a priority that needs more attention. And by neglecting that priority, I will not step forward into solving the problem. Procrastinate this priority and I will be stuck in this situation for a longer period of time. I definitely don’t want to live like that.

Creativity will need to kick in and it will not kick in when I’m stressed. Although I think stress is more a situation than a feeling, because stress is more asking for things to change and my feelings are resisting the change. And I confuse stress with feelings because those feelings are stronger than my rational mind. I can’t neglect my feelings either, but I do need to listen to them. And this is where I need to calm down and focus on solving the problem. By playing video games I will neglect the feelings and I will just be running away from the problem. Just to realize the problem will keep coming back at me. What I need to do is face the problem and deal with it. It’s a situation that requires my attention to change it.

I’ve accepted that I’m in this situation where I don’t want to be. And it’s been going on for years already, perhaps even more than a decade. And I think it’s been going on this long because I didn’t have any self-worth. I didn’t wish for destruction, but I wasn’t spending my energy on construction either. Therefore I got myself into a situation which is something I don’t want to be in, but because I did not know what I was worth, I was in a continuous cycle where the bad things take over. Well, they didn’t really take things over, I let them take things over.

The question I asked myself after calming down and accepting my situation: “What can I do to get out of this situation?” And then the creativity kicks in. the brain starts to work and the feelings are on the side, watching me think about every solution. Fear comes close because I think about doing things that are out of my comfort zone. One solution is to work more than 60 hours a week. However, that means I need to work on two jobs at least and to combine those two are very difficult because two jobs require time and they might need me at the same time. And therefore I will have to struggle between the two and the fear of losing one job threatens my survivability. So that is not the best solution for me.

Luckily I have discovered something that works for me because I can do this at home when I have free time from my job. And I discovered I can actually do something that I love and that is to add more value to someone else’s life. I’ve been reading a lot of books about coaching and training people and I really love the AHA moments I’m getting. More important to me is that I feel like I’m working on my self-worth. I start to learn all new things and even do things that are out of my comfort zone. This next video is about living a laptop lifestyle and I first thought that this was a-get-rich-scheme-product. But my perspective is more an issue here. I don’t really need a lifestyle like that, well not right now, because I’m not yet ready for that. However, if, over time if comes to that, I will have to make sure I can add enough value other people’s lives. My struggle with my self-worth has been my job title really because I realized I wasn’t adding a lot of value. I do think I’ve more potential to the job title I currently have, but I do need to express that. And I thought that the job title was me. But I’m more than a job title. That’s probably why I’ve been feeling so miserable for some time now. And I measured my self-worth with my bank account. I do not get paid for the hours I put in the work, I get paid for the value I give to the market. Well, that job title is something not worthy enough to get paid more. But I have to say that I do love the job, a waiter. Making sure that my guests have a great time at the restaurant is rewarding by seeing them smile and walk away happy after a dinner. And there are so many restaurants out there so if they do come here, it means something to me and I do my absolute best that they will enjoy their time here.

However, my perspective changed when I heard the quote: “Give a man a fish and he has food for the day. Teach him to how to catch fish and he will have food for the rest of his life.” And therefore I wanted to add more value than just a night out for someone. And I can tell you this is far out of my comfort zone. I am afraid of failure because I’m already so vulnerable in my current situation. But I’m also afraid of success, what if it works out pretty well and that I do get an income that is more than my salary? But this stress situation I have right now, need attention and action. And hopefully, I will get out of this as soon as possible.


So I really hope I’ve added some value to your life. And if you think this story might help a friend of yours, please share it. It might help them with their situation.


Also here’s the video of my mentor about the laptop lifestyle.


I’ve chosen this path because it does connect to my personal values. Like I said before I want to add more value and the best way to that is by following my own values, because I truly believe that if I don’t follow up on them, I will regret it. To hear some more advice here’s Steve Jobs commencement speech.

I just might have found what I love to do!!!


Thank you for your time!


Best of love,