If I had listened to somebody else…

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I have three most gorgeous children.

Something I had desired and dreamt of having one day since I was a little girl. 2 boys and a girl I wanted and I didn’t care in what order, as long as the first one was a boy and the girl was my little blondie sunshine.

But when I was a young Miss and having problems with my cycle, I was told, that due to my possible endometriosis, cystic ovaries and my strangely placed uterus, I will have difficulties to ever get pregnant. And I always wanted to have children, so although such news really annoyed me, I had faith to have them one day, one way or another.

 

After I got married and I was quite young, I was only 25, it showed, they were right. I had a problem but rather how not to get pregnant :-D

Less than a year into my marriage I was already expecting my first son. A year after he was born, I was pregnant again and then again… It looked like every time I use my husband’s toothbrush, I'd get pregnant, he’d throw his underpants on me, I'd get pregnant… well, not quite right.

 

But 5 months into my first pregnancy I came home one day after long day at work just to find a midwife sitting in our living room, waiting for me. I immediately knew she wasn’t a good news. I broke down before she even started talking. The news was that my latest blood results weren’t good and that my baby is probably very damaged with spina bifida and that they recommend an abortion as soon as possible. She never asked me if I’d ever consider an abortion, especially in such advanced pregnancy, she was like a death to me.

I cried my eyes out, all night long, didn’t sleep a second waiting for my emergency ultrasound scan with a consultant in a hospital the next morning. I don’t even know how it was possible to go through such stress without spontaneously miscarrying anyway.

The special consultant never confirmed a regular growth of the baby but neither any problems to be hugely concerned about, so he put my mind at peace. My inner voice, my intuition, however, was telling me all the way that my baby was fine, as I felt fine, I felt well and sound and never doubted he wouldn’t be a big healthy boy, as he is now.

And even if, I loved my baby already, I’d never harm him in my womb or out. I was his mummy and my job was to protect him no matter what. Even if he was handicapped, so what, people can injure themselves at any time of their life, do we start getting a rid of them all now? How absurd and insensitive it was, I thought.

Anyway, I went through the whole term and after some degree of trauma while in labour, I brought my boy to this world with no signs of spina bifida or other mobile impediments but contrary, he was kicking the moment he was born and never stopped since. He is a great athlete today, a footballer actually, with a promising career. (I love you, Simon)

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But if I had listened to somebody else and had lost my faith….

The second pregnancy wasn’t particularly smooth either. Half way through my mom passed away and that seemed to have affected my pregnancy terribly too. My baby wouldn’t turn head down properly, let alone engage, causing some bleeding and there was a risk of the baby being starved of oxygen during a natural birth as the umbilical cord was in the way and around the baby’s neck. I was scheduled for a cesarean delivery 3 weeks prior my due date when, to their shock, they discovered, the baby had turned the head down in the lift going down to the operating room from my room a few floors up. I was sooo relieved and happy. I was again praying all night I could escape the section, it just didn’t appeal to me, to the last moment I prayed intensively. My faith never abandoned me, never failed me. I quickly got up from the table, walked out of the room and left the hospital to go home and wait for the baby to be ready naturally.

He is a marvelous, strong and very talented artist 16 years old, and although we went through some unpleasant years with his epilepsy and one particularly nasty encounter, he is fine now and all the dark clouds have seemed to have passed. (I love you, Connor)

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When Connor was only three I found myself pregnant again (much for the girl that should have had difficulties to ever get pregnant), and I strongly desired a girl this time after two boys. I used to imagine her face, her hair, calling her “my daughter” in my mind, and just simply getting used to the idea. And there she was born, terribly overdue but the most beautiful and kind girl in the world and although very untidy, as we girls are, though ever so artistically orientated, now 12 years old with those long blond hair I used to imagine, my blue eyes and the face to die for. (Love you, Chantal)

So just as well I did not listen to anyone, but followed my own senses and never lost my faith especially in difficult moments, otherwise I wouldn’t be here proudly praising my babies, as I forever call them my babies and they forever will be my babies, I wouldn’t be here as a proud mummy and feeling ever so blessed and accomplished every time I look at them, every time they make some progress, achieve some great results, make me laugh, tease me or even raise my blood pressure :-D

Diem

I strongly appeal on you to follow your inner intelligence and always.

Remember that apart from your 5 senses such as hearing, sight, taste, touch and smell, you have 6 intellectual ones: reason, memory, will, imagination, perception and mainly the intuition.

Don’t underestimate them and allow them to guide you to be free from any fear.

Don't be scared to stand your ground and take courageous decisions. Do not leave a space for doubt. Indecision and doubt together become fear. Fear is opposite of Faith. And your faith is a base of FREEDOM in every form.

And you do want to be free, right? I am ever so happy and grateful for my persistent faith.

Bless

♥Stanislava♥

How to make your first 10K online!

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