It’s easy to forget. I know. It happened to me. Blaming others for the pain I felt inside. The world for not understanding. Anger toward friends and family.
We can reason and justify just about anything in our life while conveniently excusing ourselves in the process. I did it for years. And it’s not that I consciously wanted to. In fact, I had no idea. Thoughts of injustice, unfairness, and lack of consideration continually firing in my mind, creating cocktails of chemicals in my body.
Cocktails of pain, self-pity, anger, and frustration. Chemicals that invariably sent me into a state of inner rage and turmoil. Once there, I was stuck. Stuck in a self-defiant, self-righteous, arrogant state of being that stayed with me for days, sometimes weeks.
It’s hard to be aware when you are right, and everyone else is wrong. After all, the beliefs and perceptions confirm it. It’s powerful. And the pull feels insurmountable. The thing is though; It’s a loop. Your Loop. And it forms an experience. Your Experience.
The beliefs and programming that are running are yours. "They" are not the ones who are feeling what you are feeling. "They" are not seeing what you are seeing. This truth in itself was a revelation. And it was tough to swallow. But it finally came down to this.
Be Right or Be Happy.
If you are happy feeling and experiencing toxic thoughts and emotions, then, by all means, continue as you are. But if you are not, and I am going to assume that you aren’t, then you need to decide. You need to decide if what is running in you is worthwhile holding on to. It's your program. Yours. People are just playing their part in it.
Think about it. One moment you are fine. Sitting casually in your car, waiting in traffic on your way to work, when out of the blue someone cuts you off. And off you go!
“What the hell is he doing?”
“I was here first!”
“He can’t do that!”
These reactions happen within us. For years I blamed everyone around me. Family, friends, work all received the scorn and judgment I held inside because they weren’t how I wanted them to be. Silently running, unconsciously held programs invariably reacting to anything and everything that didn’t go its way. Sure, perhaps at times I was right, but what did it matter when the person who suffered most was me? I was the one who felt the pain, anguish, frustration, discourse within me, not them! Me! And these feelings caused me to behave in specific ways. Ways that went against what my heart wanted.
You can't be happy when you're angry.
And you certainly can't be loving. It took me a long, long time to understand that this way of being, was detrimental.
Detrimental to me.
It caused havoc within my system. And it made me unhappy, unfulfilled and disappointed. I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. It was tiring, draining and destructive. It was either be alone and miserable or change. Luckily, the tipping point between being right and pain spilled.
And Pain won.
PAIN made me see that if I wanted to be happy, my internal program needed to change. The righteous, arrogant, self-defeating beliefs that ran unconsciously in the background for so long had to go. I had to instill a program that supported happiness. New beliefs that supported and lifted my spirits. I had to change my perspective. I had to take responsibility for the program that ran in my mind and rewire it so that it aligned with a life I wanted.
Being right and unhappy is a sure sign your programming needs an upgrade.
And Awareness is the key.
If something is not working in your life, then it’s possible that you have existing beliefs and perceptions that are not supporting you. No matter what it is, who it is, if you are Not happy, content, living a life you love, then you need to take a look inside. It's challenging and difficult, but if you truly want a happy, fulfilled, content life, then there is no other way.
Bite the bullet, and pride and Reprogram yourself.
The new you will thank you for it.
- Sotir Ivanovski
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