The causes of eating disorders are complicated and vary for each individual. My own experience over twenty five years has taught me things, that I would never have learnt without it!
The mere fact that I am still here, after three hospital admissions for anorexia and the years inbetween of alcohol/bulimia Is a gift. I always believed that there must be a reason for all I was experiencing but I never got to that point of discovering it until last summer.
How did i escape the grips of a condition that has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, after so many years!
SAME VICIOUS CYCLE
Millions of people experience addiction in some form or other, from gambling, shopping, drugs...... the list goes on and gets more exotic by the year ha ha. The way we try to escape from whats going on inside is an endless task, with little resolution.
Knowing that the behaviour could possibly end relationships, damage childrens well-being, ruin a career, cause homeless and even kill, has no affects at all on stopping this behaviour that occurs over and over again!
A PROCESS... This last relapse really had to be the last because my body was beginning to struggle. In my early teens and late twenties my body did not seem to be affected but in my early fourties, it was certainly beginning to suffer.
The problem was that those issues inside that were causing the relapse were still there, some recent and some being more than thirty years old, left stewing and festering inside.
Id had therapy but due to my history of abandonment issues, I couldnt be open and connect to do affective work on myself that is required to overcome any inner trauma.
To release those hurts, you have to feel them which up until now, I was not capable of doing properly!
THE HARDEST THING TO BARE, IS KNOWING THAT I MAY HAVE AFFECTED MY CHILDREN. Having children was an absolute dream I always had but always avoided because of the fear of them having a pre-disposition to addiction!
This was the reason why we waited until my late thirties to try for a family. Was so sure that anorexia was in the past but how could it be, when i had never dealt with my past and all the inner devestation that had caused.
I will never forget watching the Karen Carpenter story.... it really did resonate with me. A wonderful and talented person, with so much to offer, taken away too soon. A reason for all us parents to look within and if things are preventing us from being the best version of ourselves, we must keep striving until we find that inner peace and healing!
This is a huge topic, so one that Will be written in stages
please let me know if there are any areas you wish for me to cover.... maybe you too, have experienced similar issues. Id really like to help, if i can ....