I was a happy kid. I had a caring family and awesome friends, until everything changed.
In early 2011 I started feeling extremely anxious and depressed.
Ashamed, I would isolate myself at home away from (what I thought were) judmental eyes and minds. Friendships broke down and I stopped playing team sports (which I had previously loved doing for nine years).
I didn't talk about my mental health to anyone except my mum but it was hard for her to understand. I guess from her point of view I had nothing to be sad or anxious about. If that was true then why did I feel this way? Where did these feelings come from?
My journey of self discovery started there. What I found in the beginning wasn't very inspiring. All I ever heard was people just learning to "cope" with anxiety and depression as their life went on. I knew 100% recovery had to be possible, without medication or endless psychology appointments. I didn't want to have to rely on an outside source to make me feel better for the rest of my life.
I would search Youtube, Google and listen to friends talk about their experience with mental illnesses.
All of this information was smashing through any previous beliefs I used to have about many mental illnesses. I began to understand.
One thing that struck a cord was this "You're not given these experience if the universe doesn't think you can't conquer them."
It is a gift, a lesson, a story. You were chosen to go through this transformation for a reason, find that reason and feel your soul light up. Look into your past a find where this may have stemmed from? It may be one incedent or a few. Look back to your upbrining and how your parents acted and spoke around you.
As children we are very impressionable, and a lot of our beliefs (subconscious and conscious) and actions are learnt from the people that surrounded us most during our early years. Do not blame them for your problems though as this will only cause more inner conflict. Look into the situation, obtain any clues and just sit and think about it for a minute. Answers will come.
We are feeling this because something wants us to look inside ourselves to heal and grow. So once you stop running/supressing and face it head on answers and health will flood to you.
Everything happens for a reason. I know how hard it can be, please believe when I say you are not alone. I have been there. Grey days that never seem to end. The heaviness of your head as you walk wishing you were lying in bed with the blinds drawn, shut away from the world. Don't feel ashamed, disheartened or weak, I love you, we love you. There's a reason why depressed sounds like deep-rest. Take it easy on yourself and rest easy. Your time of stregnth will come.
It's a lot easier to start small. Too anxious to leave your house? Walk to your front door and stand there for ten seconds and build from there. 30 seconds, one minute, step outside for ten seconds, 30 seconds etc. Its like training for a running race. First you'll only be able to run 400m then one kilometre then five. Train your mind.
If you're not sure where to start here are some ideas:
- Youtube. Listening to positive audio as much as possible will help rewire your negative subconscious thoughts. A great channel for this is Be Inspired, Infinite Waters, Jason Stephenson and Louise L. Hay.
- Affirmations. Writing positive words or phrases and sticking them around your house, office or work place. I got the most out of this when I used my own words or a complement someone had maybe told me that day, it holds a lot more truth and meaning for me.
-Music. Frequencies can change the way we feel. I recomend, starting somewhere comfortable, closing the door and have a good old dance, it truely works wonders! If you're a more quiet person some lovely tunes on Youtube are 432hz healing, relaxing piano music and 639hz healing.
I really, really hope this helps you in some way.
Please leave a comment I would love to connect with you.
Your life is beautiful and precious. You belong here.