the general state of consciousness considered independently of particular sensations, thoughts, etc.
a consciousness or vague awareness: a feeling of inferiority.
Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog from 19th April, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:
When I talk about feelings, here, I'm not talking about physical feelings, but emotions.
When I was drinking, I did have painful physical feelings: my stomach was in knots, I had a permanent chest infection and I lost all sensation in my legs. Nothing though compared to the emotional pain I felt, every day, day in & day out. Now I was living in a deluded state of denial, so I just justyfied my pain with more alcohol. The mornings where the worst, as I had to get up for work, I felt like shit and had no alcohol to anesthatize the pain.
I felt very little positive feelings and any positive feelings I did feel where only superficial, and had no substance at all. If someone told me a funny joke, I'd laugh but that is as deep as I got. I never felt love only lust. If I didnt have to talk to people, I didnt.
Now alcohol does have a chemical effect on the brain which does effect serotinin levels and thus feelings & moods are distorted. However it is my theory from my own experience that because the emotional pain is so strong, my own mind blocked it out to protect me from my own feelings, as they could just be so overwhelming.
I feel that this is one of the main causes of relapse in recovery. Reality is hard to deal with in recovery but with support it can be overcome, however feelings are a lot more difficult to handle.
It was my feelings that started me on the road to recovery. I was living on the other side of the world from my family, I was hardly in contact with them due to my drinking and was numb to that, even though they where always trying to contact me. A work collegue, an older gentleman Jim Flanagan, out of the blue began talking to me, not about alcohol, but just about family. Whatever happened that day triggered an emotion in me and within 2 months I was back with my family again. Had it not been for him, I'd probably be dead today. Thank You Jim, wherever you are.
Where I'm coming from here, is that it took me to see Love, and that cancelled out all the fear, shame, guilt, blame, resentment, envy I had towards the World, including my family.
In recovery it does take time for your feelings to come back. Sometimes this can be difficult as they can come in waves as moods. As feelings are transient, they do come and go and they range from negative to positive feelings, or mood swings. The good thing is that they do pass, especially the bad feelings and in time the mood swings settle.
Big negative feelings, like depression will take time to deal with or work through and in most cases therapy will be needed.
I'm happy to say that I've come a long way since back then in 2003, I'm married now, have 2 beautiful sons, have a career and an on line business with SFM. I have a lot to be grateful for and give thanks every day for my blessings in lif
My next 4 articles are on Family & Addiction/Recovery. The first one will be on Family Roles on Monday 23rd April 2018
The articles in "Recovery from Addiction" Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the blue box below.
Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace. My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate. In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time. I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default. It turned out well for me, but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.