VERB (USED WITH OBJECT) [BLAMED, BLAM·ING.]
to hold responsible; find fault with; censure: I don't blame you for leaving him.
to place the responsibility for (a fault, error, etc.) (usually followed by on): I blame the accident on her.
Informal. blast; damn (used as a mild curse): Blame the rotten luck.
an act of attributing fault; censure; reproof: The judge said he found nothing to justify blame in the accident.
responsibility for anything deserving of censure: We must all share the blame for this deplorable condition.
Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:
When I was in active addiction, I was full of blame. It was everyone elses fault, for everything. My life wasn't working due to my drinking, but I never blamed the drink for that.
Why did I blame? The main reason for this is that I did not want to take responsibility FOR ANYTHING.
Why not? Because to take responsibility would mean taking ownership.
Why not take ownership? That would mean that I would have to take off the blinkers and admit that I have a problem, yes with ALCOHOL. God forbid!!
Deep down, and like many other addicts, I knew that my drinking was not normal, but denial & delusion got in the way. The best way to stay in denial & deluded is to BLAME.
In time this blaming became habitual, and happened on a subconscious level without me even realising that I was. For more indepth info on this subject, click the link below:
When I first got into recovery, I was still full of character defects & blame was one of those defects. I did slowly become more responsible over time and the more I have taken responsibility for myself the less I blame.
In the last 5 years, I have been introduced to "The Law Of Attraction" and have followed the likes of Dr Wayne Dyer & Abraham Hicks, see links at the bottom of the page:
The Law Of Attraction states: "What you put out is what you get back". I know it drifts away from addiction and recovery, however I have found that it has strenghtened my recovery to no end.
I now totally believe that I am 100% responsible for every thought, feeling and action I make. I cannot blame, because to do so takes away my ownership & I fall back into the victim roll again.
Sometimes I struggle with this and blaming is a tempting cop out, but I feel sorry for myself as soon as I go down that road. Poor me's lead to depression, a road I definately DO NOT want to travel down.
So ask yourself an honest question, does blaming help or hinder you?
My next article is on Boredom, stay tuned.
The articles in "Recovery from Addiction" Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the blue box below.
Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace. My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate. In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time. I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default. It turned out well for me, but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.