I think my new life started for me the day my, first husband, tried to hurt one of my daughters. My eldest daughter stood up to him and had to pull him off her younger sister. He was always an angry, aggressive man and always verbally abused me and the threat of violence was always there, but he never showed he would be violent to my daughters - until that day.
I didn't care and love myself enough and just "put up" with his behaviour, but there was no way he was going to treat my daughters like that. That day was the beginning of the end for us, he always made me believe that I'd never make it on my own, when I said about leaving him before, but this time I didn't care - I would rather live in a box than me allowing my daughters to be harmed. I woud say that day from many many years ago was the turning point in my life.
I made it clear I wanted to separate. He didn't believe me at first and the normal taunts and jeers from him didn't deter me. I knew I meant it, my love for my girls was stronger than my fear of him.
He finally believed me and we were separated with him leaving our home. I was scared of how I was going to survive financially, but at least we were safe.
My New Life
I worked hard, my mum and dad helped me financially and with childcare so I could work. I became a master of how to feed the four of us for a week on no more than a meagre budget. It became a game for me to see how cheap I could get my weekly shopping. I was an ace at the delights of minced beef and all the different options I could make.
It was a struggle and seven years on I was still on my own and I dreamt of finding the love of my dreams. I knew who I wanted, what he was like, but I just didn't know how to find him. I had tried online dating sites at various times. I had my fair share of dates, they all tended to be full of BS, or loved themselves too much to even notice me, or more often than not married pretending to be single, yes I could spot them a mile off!
Many a time I put into Google search, "How to find the love of your dreams," only to be given the same advice which was basically " love yourself - how can you be loved if you don't love yourself first."
So I started on a mission of self love. Why should I wait until I met a man to do the things I wanted to do? On Sundays, when my ex used to have my daughters for lunch, I went for Sunday lunch on my own, I was really nervous at first thinking I would stick out like a sore thumb. I normally got chatting to other people so I didn't feel too bad.
Everything that I wanted to do with a partner I did on my own - I didn't need to be with someone to do these things. I went to museums and art galleries and I found I was starting to like my own company, I was starting to like me! Something I hadn't found before. I was choosing life instead of sitting at home on my own, I was getting out there.
One weekend when my daughters were having sleepovers at their friends, I drove to the seaside and booked into a bed and breakfast and I sat overlooking the sea with fish and chips and a bottle of wine feeling so pleased with myself. I felt I could do anything.
Whilst there, I came across a magazine Feng Shui article that suggested to meet someone you needed to make space for them, physically. To act as if they were with you, how could they be with you if there was no room for them.
I made space in my wardrobe leaving one side empty and "ready" for my to-be partner.
The article also suggested having pictures around your home of loving couples. Pictures of my Mum and Dad were a good starting point, but I also scoured around for other images. I then spotted the perfect picture of a couple dancing the Tango. Perfect - a couple full of passion! I put it up in my bedroom and to this day it is still there, along with other images of love.
I researched other ways of finding the love of your dreams, and it became clear that you had to exactly ask for who you wanted. It wasn't good enough to say "I want to meet a man." You have to be specific, not just the physical attributes but the personality traits and interests also.
This was my "shopping" list:
- Physically big man ( I didn't like small men)
- A Professional career
- Be spiritual
- Absolutely loves every bone in my body
- Cooks for me
- Allows me to be me even with all my weirdness
- Is respectful to his parents and family
- Loves to dance with me
I wrote this list with intent and love for myself. I also made the decision that it was time to be my real authentic self. I found I was trying to make myself "fit" into men's desires. It wasn't really me to say I loved bungee jumping to try and impress someone, so I decided I was going to be ME and not settle for anything less than I truly desired.
With all my plan in place it took two weeks for me to make a connection with a lovely man on an online dating site. The initial attraction could be ticked off my list, but for him to be the one it had to be deeper than that.
Had I Met the One?
He talked about dreams and full moons. Yes he was spiritual.
He was a buyer for the NHS, so yes career ticked.
He has a loving, close relationship with his family. Tick.
Months of dating went by and I forgot about my list. We were having fun and enjoying our time. One day my new man said whilst he was enjoying going out for meals at restaurants, he would love to cook me a meal some time! Tick. Tick.
So I truly had met the man of my dreams even though he wasn't a dancer....or so I thought!
After two years of dating, he proposed to me and then he said he wanted to do a first dance at our wedding, but not just a shuffle around the dance floor, but a real routine!!
My man is truly amazing - this Law of Attraction stuff is so cool!
We started lessons, and my partner hadn't had a lesson in his life before. We practised in our ktchen. Not only did we come up with a full dance routine, my husband discovered a love of dancing, something he'd always wanted to do but had never tried. Unresounding TICK!!
Checklist to Find The One
- Self love first
- Make space for them
- "Shopping" List with intent
- Believe it will happen
My husband truly believes in me and everything I dream I can be. His support has helped me to where I am today where I have embarked on a very special online education. An education that has helped me learn while I earn. I have built my confidence with skills that I thought I would never have. It has helped me to grow and be the person I really want to be instead of that woman that was so low on self esteem that she believed she wasn't capable of anything.
Along with this education there is a very special community that leads and supports along my journey. I so wish I had access to it all those years ago when I was alone and broke. I know I would have come through it sooner, but I've done it now so I'm on my way.
If you would like to find out more about my journey, please follow me on my Freestyle Life Facebook page.