Do you feel stuck with your life?
Are you living in fear, physically from a partner or family member?
Are you suffering from depression and wonder where you'll get motivation to do anything, never mind have a life that you truly dream of?
Are you bankrupt and wondering where your next meal is coming from?
Are you caring for a child that pushes you to your limits?
When you feel stuck, all theses situations feel unsurmountable. You feel there's no way things can come good for you.
Can you imagine that one woman has to deal with all the above? That's how my life was for many years.
A not so happy marriage
Today I will focus on my difficult first marriage. I've found it hard to put this post together, because I have come so far from those days and I am now a stronger woman, it is a very painful distant memory.
I married on my nineteenth birthday birthday to a man nine years older than me.
His acts of, what I thought at the time, as looking after me, I came to see how I was being controlled and manipulated by him.
I used to go out with my sisters and friends and he would always pick me up at the end of the night - I began to realise it was about him knowing where I was at all times.
Over the years he edged my friends away one way or another, so my nights out became few and far between. I was due to have an old school friend as my bridesmaid for our wedding. It was the eighties and my friend had large spikey hair, sort of Siouxsie and The Banshees style. My husband said he didn't want that look on the wedding photos and said she wasn't to be our bridesmaid if she didn't change her hair.
She was, quite rightly offended, and fell out with me over it and hasn't spoke to me to this day. I wish I could have stood up to him, but I just couldn't. Even in those early days I "knew" I really shouldn't cross him.
He was always a short tempered man and a day would never go by without him being in a rage with either me or someone else. He woud get in a road rage at the slightest thing. He wasn't a pleasure to be around, but I just thought, that's how he was, but I justified his behaviour as I shouldn't have made him angry. That is exactly why he thought he could do it time and time again.
One New Year's Eve, we were at a party at his brother's. I was dancing with his brother, a boppy number not even a slow dance,and he got angry and started a huge argument with his brother and punched a hole through a door. He actually said I was lucky that he restrained himself so much, or otherwise he would have punched me. He made out that I should be grateful for that.
That's how my life was.
Then my two daughters came along. I was happy, I realised I was good at something. I exelled at being a mum, I wasn't stupid and worthless as I kept being told by my husband.
Football days were the worst for me. My husband supported the local team passionately. If the match was on a Saturday and started at 3pm, he would leave the house about 10.30am in the morning. While he was at the match, I would have respite from his aggressive manner and moods. I did learn over the years not to say much when he got in, which sometimes coud have been at two in the morning after being out since 10.30am the previous morning. Is it any wonder figures have shown that incidents of domestic violence go up during world cups and championships.
After his lengthy drinking sessions I couldn't say wrong from right, and it always ended up with him throwing things round and verbally abusing me. He would act the same whether his team won or lost, it didn't matter. I used to react, but I found this made matters worse so I stayed quiet. I started going to bed really early, just so I wouldn't be blamed for anything.
I met him whilst I was at college, whilst I was doing my A levels. My college friends went on to university and had successful careers. I stayed at home and got married. My husband said we would have a wonderful life and I believed him. In fact, the life we had was nothing like a wonderful life. We never had any money and always had debt collectors at our door. Any dreams I had of doing something for myself were met with sneering and derision. I taught myself cake decorating and wanted to start my own business, he said for me not to get my hopes up, that nobody would want to buy cakes from me as I wasn't a professional. There was never any support for me in anything I wanted to do.
I know you are probably reading this and wondering why on earth I stayed there? I was young and I believed everything he said about me. That I was stupid, that I woudn't be anything without him, and I didn't want the shame of not making my marriage work. It's mad isn't it? Today I feel a strong independant woman, I just can't imagine that I allowed him to treat me like he did.
That was how my life was, the dread of the sound of the key in the door, that was a sign that he was home and for me to be quiet. I went on to have another daughter, my girls were something I succeeded in. I am a good mum.
His attitude towards my daughters was overly strict, they obviously learnt that it was best to do as he said.
If we went out as a family, he woud always complain loudly to waiters, or anyone that didn't meet his standards. It was never a pleasure being out with him. If you read my previous post, "How To Meet The Love of Your Dreams"you would have seen that it was a day when he nearly hurt one of my daughter's that finally made me wake up. What on earth was I doing?
Fast forward fifteen years. If only I knew then what I know now. The online education system I am following now has helped me develop my self worth, I just wish I knew of it when I was going through it at the time. I know I wouldn't have stayed so long with him, as my self confidence would have made me feel I could do anything and I would be ok on my own.
If you are reading this and you're in same situation, trust me it really doesn't have to be like that. You will be OK.
Plan for a better life
This system that I am following can teach you to start a business online. A business doing something you truly love and you can earn while you learn, it is a system that can set you free from what's stopping you being the person YOU can be. Doing something for yourself, goes out the window when you're living for survival and a quiet life. There is so much valuable information that you can access that can help you turn your life around.
Keep your children safe at all times. Contact an aid charity such as Women's Aid
They can provide you with advice and access to hostels if needed. I know it's scary and you'll wonder how you will manage on your own, but they give real practical advice.
You are worth so much more than he is allowing you to be. Be the strong, independant woman that can be a fabulous role model to your children. They deserve that, YOU deserve that. Set yourself free from what's inhibiting you from the person you can be.
Close your eyes and see who you want to be.
Make that call to an organisation such as Women's Aid - it could be day one to the rest of your wonderful life.
If my story resonates with you, pop along to my Freestyle Life page on Facebook. There you will find daily inspiration and positiveness and look out for future posts where I will explain how I've come through my other troubles.