Depression; Anxiety; Stealing; Lying; Deception; Promiscuity are all symptoms of lack of self-worth.
What is “self-worth”? We talk about it as if it is something that is only important to ourselves, that we love ourselves and are worthy of ourselves. This is not the case, what we are really striving for is to feel that we are of worth to others. Therefore, we act out. We display anti-social behaviours such as promiscuity; deception; rebellion just to get someone’s attention. That attention can then hopefully lead to a sense of worth, even if it is just worthy of being punished or ridiculed. Like they say, any attention is attention when you are feeling insignificant.
I don’t have the need to be loved, just the need to be worthy of love. If someone would just see enough value to my existence, then they may be able to love me. It’s a bit like the chicken and the egg, you need to feel loved to feel worthy, but you need to feel worthy to be loved.
The need to feel worthy is more powerful than any emotion because it ekes its way into everything we do – our relationships; our work life; our physical and mental growth. Not feeling worthy leads to over-compensation in these areas causing co-dependency; workaholic behaviour; suicide; eating disorders and unrealistic exercise regimes.
It is such a cyclic dilemma because the specialists say that to be loved, we have to love ourselves and to feel worthy, we have to find the worth in ourselves. But this is a difficult theory to believe when all you have ever believed is that you are not worthy of love and that you would never amount to anything. It is so difficult to turn that kind of thinking around to a positive without a great deal of soul searching and dare I say it, some selfish pampering of the spirit.
At the end of the day, we all have some worth otherwise we wouldn’t be here on this earth. The degree of that worth or the value of that worth is different for everybody. You need to find what it is about you that makes a difference. That difference is not to the world but in the world. There is always someone to whom your existence would not be possible or whose life has been touched in some way just because you are here.
Worth is when you make a difference, no matter what type of difference, just a difference. You may be a child; a sibling; a parent; a grandparent a friend; a work colleague, but your existence on this planet fills a gap in someone’s life. Focus on what that difference is and then keep looking for all the gaps you fill in people’s lives. Then you start to see what worth you are to this world and then ultimately to yourself.
Please feel free to leave a comment and ask any questions you may have. I hope you will feel safe in reaching out to me, because I know how hard it is to break the silence. Give me a chance to help.