When you have blocked all your emotions to shield yourself, how do you go about finding your Passion?
I am trying to start my online affiliate marketing business. They ask you to find what you are passionate about and work with that. After two-thirds of my life having no opportunity or permission to be passionate about anything, it is difficult to suddenly turn around and find something. The main thing I am interested in is helping people who are going through similar things in their lives that I have with both the depression/anxiety and domestic violence. I am determined to be a voice for those who have no voice. Passion is such a strong word.
Being emotionally closed off to protect yourself does not leave much room for passion or even love, let alone desire. My current husband is always asking me what I want, and it is the most difficult question I have to answer because I don’t know what I want because I have never been allowed to feel want, apart from the want to die or the want to be free of this affliction (depression and an abusive husband).
As a parent, obviously, I love my children and grandchildren and I love my pet dog. In fact, if I was to say what other interests I have it would be in animals. I find animals to be the best company as they don’t judge, and they don’t expect anything but some love and attention. They are giving and receiving all in one motion. I feel safe around my dog and he gives me so much comfort in just one look or one lick. I could easily live in seclusion with just some dogs and other farm animals around me. No pressure; no expectations; no judgement; no demands to perform or to be anything other than my true self.
If you have a passion for something, nurture that feeling and cherish it because it shows there is still someone with feeling deep inside you who is salvageable. Work on what you are passionate about as often as you can, and you will regain some of the true essence of who you are without depression or anxiety, they call this the authentic self.