Control in Addiction Recovery

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con·trol
[k uhn- trohl]
VERB (USED WITH OBJECT) [CON·TROLLED, CON·TROL·LING.]
1.
to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command: The car is difficult to control at high speeds. That zone is controlled by enemy troops.
2.
to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one's emotions.
3.
to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallel experiment or other standard of comparison.
4.
to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire.
5.
Obsolete. to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.

Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog from 12th April, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:

Control

When I was drinking, I was a control freak!!! Yes at the time if someone had told me that I would have got very angry, me a control freak. In hindsight now, and it did take a few years in recovery to admit this, I had to be nothing but a control freak. When you try to control the uncontrolable, what else are you going to be. I thought I was in control of my drinking, where as in reality, my drinking was in control of me.

At a subconscious level I knew this and knew that I was not in control, I was trying to over compensate in areas where I was falling down.

Addiction is all about control, the addict tries to control their drinking/drugging, or at least thinks so. The family tries to control the addict, or at least think they are.

In early recovery a power struggle can ensue within families as the addicted person, now in recovery wants to assume more responsibility. In a lot of cases the other family members, who were managing everything before, might be resistant to let go. Resentments can occur and the risk of relapse is high. It is vital that everyone sits down and talks through everything, at this stage. Boundaries have to be set and agreed on by all.

Powerlessness doesnt come into the equation, and that is the complete opposite of control, letting go and allowing does.

So lets take a point by point look at control in addiction

WHAT IS CONTROL?

1. Defence Mechanism.

2. Over Compensation

WHY CONTROL?

1. Enables Addiction.

2. Fear of being challenged.

3. Attack as a means of defence.

4. Denial in its most destructive form.

WHEN HAVE I BEEN A CONTROLLER?

1. Types of Behaviours to look at:

a) POOR ME’S

Using self pity to seek attention,

to avoid being challenged.

b) ALOOFNESS

Silent treatment,

Standing off,

Controlling at a distance.

Silence is judgemental

c) INTIMIDATOR

Threats,

Insults,

Rude,

Bullying.

Person on receiving end is victimised,marginalised & blamed

d) AGGRESSOR

Inflicts fear on others which leads to alienation & loss of more control.

e) AVOIDANCE

Change the subject.

Not taking responsibility.

Procrastination

f) CRITIC

Fault finding.

Never good enough.

Quick to blame.

Pass judgement.

Perfectionism.

g) DECEPTION

Denial.

Lying.

Sneaking.

Hiding.

Making excuses.

There are many different ways we control other people, things & situations, we even do it out of habit or even sub consciously. Just remember that if is fear that drives it all. Confront your fear and you will have absolutely no need to try and control anything. 

My next article is on Denial & Delusion, stay tuned.

The article of "Recovery from Addiction" Control is the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please click on the blue box below.

Growth in Recovery and in life, takes commitment & courage, but if you are not willing to take a risk, and push your boundaries, even a little then you will be stuck where you are, until you do.

If, like me & you are in recovery, then I know your pain & you have been to hell and back. But think of this, you are not a victim, but a survivor and as a survivor you deserve to give yourself every opportunity you possibly can. "Keep breaking the mould and keep it real"

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Thank You for reading & have a lovely weekend

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