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Self-awareness is one of the most important skills in life to create a harmonious living with other people

Let’s be real, we all have some pattern buried deeply within us that makes us act and be the way we are. Self-awareness builds up accordingly to our life experiences. A person that lived his entire life with parents might have a bit of a struggle when living with strangers for the first time and this means that a deep learning curve is just about to take place. On the other hand, a person who left home in his 15th and had to face an unknown world living in many different shared places with a range of different people and culture diversities, language challenges, habits, will highly likely go along better and approach challenges with ease while the former might find it very difficult. Don’t get me wrong here. This doesn’t mean that the latter won’t face any challenges but deal with them intelligently based on life experiences.


Learning how to live with other people involves uncovering your own patterns and discovering YOUR self-awareness first in order to heal the condition of a problem and become a good housemate. The way to discover it is by paying attention in your own attitudes and behaviors.

Maybe you never thought about how self-aware you are; so let’s think about what could demonstrate your self-awareness:

. How noisy are you when your housemates are asleep?

. Do you respect their space?

. Do you make any effort to adapt yourself to their routines so that things flow smoother?

. Do you clean everything after you’ve used it?

. Do you keep the communal areas organized or are you one of those who come home after a long day of work and drop everything you own onto the living room floor?

. Before you judge; do you look at your self-performance?

. Do you put yourself in other’s shoes when facing a disappointment? For example, your housemate is feeling sick and won’t be cleaning the house when it is supposed to be cleaned;

. Are you flexible and understanding?

. Do you pay attention in little things that might be forming a heavy environment when time passes by such as: leaving your washed dishes on the rack for days (or dirty dishes on the sink), not replacing toilet paper, water in the electric jar or anything you empty, not drying the floor after your shower, not vacuuming the house, letting your room door slamming with the wind and irritating others… and so on.

Chances are that this will sound fool but little things do make a big difference. Maybe it won’t stress too much at the first day, second day or week but over a month these little things become unbearable. 



Self-awareness isn’t learned by reading books. You can develop a good understanding of self-awareness yet you have to practice it to really become a self-aware person because it only develops when you look at yourself and pay attention to your own attitudes, emotions, behaviors and expressions of thoughts.

It is absolutely useless and such a waste of time pointing others problems and judging without first looking at your own attitudes.

Every single person in the house wants to leave in a harmonious environment and be able to call this house 'my home'.  In order to make this happen you MUST be mindful to your housemate`s routines.

If you use to have a 20minutes long shower for example; at least try to shower when nobody else is waiting next; apply the same strategy when you cook, wash your clothing; watch TV or whatsoever you are going to do. Respecting each other’s space is half way success to a harmonious life with your housemates.

Every time you leave your room you MUST consider that you’re stepping into someone else’s space and here is where self-awareness has to be applied. 


There are possible chances that for many reasons you are not feeling happy neither fulfilled with your current housemates; even worse, you’re tremendously stressed and discouraged because everywhere you move you seem to face similar situations and never finding the good housemate you desire.

Everyday there is something to complain about whether it is about the noise, dirty dishes, bringing friends over, the smell of their food, their language, their loud voice on the phone or whatever the f* you have to complain about this person; so now I ask you a question:

Have you ever thought about WHY you attract this kind of people into your life? WHY is it that everything about her/him makes you feel uncomfortable, stressed and angry?

Chances are that all these complain is just an otter effect of a much deeper problem in YOUR inner self.

I give you a real example of this:

I always hated arguments and if I can I simply run away from them, however, sometimes only a good and constructive argument fixes a problem.

I moved into a shared house with 'good housemates' a while ago. It seemed to be all perfect until I realised that what I saw and talked about when I went for inspection wasn’t really what their daily habits were.

After one month sharing the same house they became pretty relaxing in terms of maintaining organization and keeping common areas clean.  In a sudden I caught myself getting very angry. Every time I wanted to cook there was a sink with a whole bunch of dirty dishes and meat packages attracting flies. My first reaction was cleaning it up and not saying anything. I just wanted to get rid of it and avoid any arguments.

After I repeated this for about 3 to 4 times I realised that it wasn’t helping at all, it was just making them become more relaxing. So I said “OK, this has to stop, I have to take action” but again I didn’t have the courage to say one single word, expecting them to read my mind. Instead, I started complaining about to others and even thought about moving out.

One day I sat back and reflected on myself. How interesting, I’ve been attracting similar situations for quite a while, why is that? I realised that running away from arguments never solved my problems, instead; I always reencountered the same problems over and over again.

The time to make a change has begun.

 My heart was pumping like crazy, I had no other choice than talking to my good housemates; I expressed myself calmly and talked about my uncomfortable feelings towards their mess, it was bothering me. They didn’t take it very easy but they understood where I came from and now the environment has completely changed. We live in a very harmonious house with great energy and vibe.

“The only way to change others is changing ourselves in first place”.



Look for a moment at this person who is somehow bothering you. Describe what it is that you don’t like about this person, things that you wish would change so you can feel better.

Now, take a moment, look deep inside your inner self and ask; “In which situation am I like that, and when do I apply these same attitudes towards others?”

Close your eyes and give yourself some time to think about this. But dig deep into past experiences until you find the answer.

Then ask your inner self if you’re willing to change in order to transform your life.

When you find the answer to this question and remove the patterns and habits that lead you to the belief that the other person is always the problem; then you’ll see magic happen. Either the other person will change or he/she will just leave your life because he/she doesn’t fit in the same space anymore.

“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the
following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” – Marcus Aurelius

My name is Erica H. Brand. I hope you enjoyed the reading. If you did I would appreciate if you leave
me a comment.

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