1.the quality of being honest.
"they spoke with convincing honesty about their fears" synonyms: moral correctness, uprightness, honourableness,honour, integrity, morals, morality, ethics, principle, (high) principles, nobility, righteousness, rectitude, right-mindedness, upstandingness;
Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog from 27th April, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:
"Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you"
Lyrics bt Billy Joel
When you've been living a lie for so long in addiction, and are full of fear, being asked to be honest is as hard as someone giving you an axe and telling you to cut off your hand.
We all tell a fib or elaborate the truth every now and again. Society does this, look at Fake News. Some will argue its false and others agrue it's true. All down to perception. But when ever you tell a lie, how does it make you feel? I know it gives me a hollow feeling in my gut and I feel guilty and no matter how hard I try to justify it, I can't.
Now multiply that feeling to every lie you have ever told, for a life time. That's what addiction (and politics) does to your soul.
Why is this?
- Self hatred
- The fear of consequences
- The shame.
- The guilt.
- The remorse.
Getting honest is what recovery is all about, but before you start getting honest with others, you have to get brutally honest with yourself, and that can be much harder as you come into confilct with the old "EGO". This can cause a lot of emotional pain, but the freedom at the other end is invaluable.
It takes massive courage and humility to challenge the ego and it is essential that you get help here through a sponsor, counsellor, priest or very close trusted freind to encourage you. Sharing all your dishonesty to another person (Step 5) is very therapeutic and freeing. When I did my 5th Step the first time, the first couple of sentences where the hardest to say, but once I started, the fear dropped and the flood gates opened, and all the shite came out. Initially it does take massive courage and humility.
We are not saints and we will still have many character defects in recovery, but that is okay, as long as you are aware of them and are willing to work through them. Remember recovery is a process, not an event and if it takes a life time to work through all your defects, then so be it. Progress not perfection.
Nearly every family member I've spoken to has said to me that one thing worse than the drunk behaviour are the lies they tell through denial and delusion. "If only they could be honest, then maybe we'd understand"
People in active addiction, don't lie because they want to, they lie because the truth is far too painful to accept.
In recovery, good honest communication between family members is key to breaking the "Lie" called addiction and building honesty & trust. Everyone though needs to contribute. There is a powerful healing in being vulnerable.
My Next Blog article will be on Hope in Recovery