The Contempt of the Familiar

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The Contempt of the FamiliarAn Illusion is something that is misinterpreted by our senses.  Other words for illusion are fantasy, delusion, hallucination, etc.  This concept can also apply to relationships when two people fall into routines of interaction that help create contempt for each other so that they really never know the whole person they are interacting with.  

What Causes Contempt?

The Contempt of the Familiar

  • Personal Bias- Most adults have certain qualities about people that they can't stand based on their personal history or experience.  When encountering someone with these qualities the response usually is, "I can't stand that person!"  
  • Defensiveness- When someone perceives they are disliked, they usually get defensive and withdrawal, or become judgmental toward the person showing the contempt by showing contempt in return.  
  • Miscommunication is also a culprit that can help create contempt.  Communication is a process that occurs between at least two people with someone being the "sender" and someone else being the "receiver."  When miscommunication or no communication occurs , misunderstanding can grow into false judgments and contempt.  Miscommunication can happen with actions and deeds as well as words.  
  • Unhealthy Habits can help create contempt for someone if they directly affect the relationship and are unrecognized or left unchecked.  As the saying goes, "dysfunction creates dysfunction."
  • Gossip- As the saying goes, "A gossip separates close friends."  From my experience, gossip usually is used to help someone or a group of people feel better about themselves at the expense of looking down or judging someone else.  The whole idea is, "We are not like that person or people.  We are much better."

Overcoming Contempt

1.  We all need to deal with our personal history.  As we grow up we encounter various experiences and people that affect our outlook as adults.   At times these experiences remain unprocessed and stay with us affecting how we see the world around us.  Once we fully process these past experiences and emotions associated with them, we are free to experience the present more objectively and fully.

2.  Grow into a healthy adult.  Sometimes trusted family members and/or friends can give us insight into learned habits we may have acquired growing up without realizing these are counterproductive to healthy relationships.  When we work on ourselves our relationships also improve. 

3.  Learn the basics of good communication.  Although this is a whole topic in itself, some basics can be mentioned in regard to good communication.  Some basic elements of good communication include listening, giving clear and concise explanations, reflecting back content, emotions, and the overall communication process so the person communcating feels heard and understood.

Bringing It All Together

Bringing it all together, causes of contempt are personal bias, miscommunication, unhealthy habits, gossip, or a combination of the above.  In order to overcome contempt, we need to deal with our past history, overcome destructive habits, and learn the basics of communicating well.  

Your Turn Now

How about you?  Have you faced your past history and habits and do you understand and practice with general consistency good communication to overcome the comtempt of the familiar?

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