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Introduction - 10 Steps to Accept yourself for Who you are.
What am I on about?
Hi there, it's me again and I was just listening to an audiobook by Tony Robbins the other day and suddenly I became very skeptical.
The thoughts that began running through my mind where "Who are You to talk, sure you've made it, you're successful in life, you have nothing to worry about, so who are you to tell me how I am feeling and what I need to do, stick your massive action where the sun don't shine".
When I stopped to reflect on what I just thought, I was shocked by my own thoughts and feelings. Tony Robbins is a hero of mine, I love listening to him and watching him help people create miracles in their lives.
Why the sudden shift from admiration to envy, even resentment.
Now I do and have watched, read and listened to a lot of Law Of Attraction, Motivational and Life Coaches; from Tony, himself, to Bob Proctor, Napoleon Hill, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer, Mel Robbins, Abraham Hicks... to name a few.
So I was not just earmarking Tony Robbins, but I felt the same for all of them.
In fact, I would say that I am addicted to audible, I listen to self-development audiobooks constantly.
So what happened, how did I go from being totally inspired by them, to despising them?
It wasn't them, but it was me.
It was how I was feeling, thinking & behaving.
Was I becoming burnt out with too much self-development?
Was I trying far too hard to emulate my heroes?
Was I being unrealistic and criticizing myself too harshly.
Was I not at the same level as my heroes and felt I would never, ever.
And lastly, why the hell am I comparing myself to them anyway?
I am not alone
From these realizations, I thought, I wonder how many other people, like me are out there busting a gut, trying to emulate their heroes and becoming self-frustrated because we have an inner realization that maybe, most likely, we will never reach their level.
So instead of trying to be someone or something that you are not, why not try to be yourself. What is wrong with me and what is wrong with you?
I am and you are not Tony Robbins or anyone else, nor do I or you have to be. Yes admire them for what they have done, but you know what, everyone is the same, we all eat, sleep, shit and we will all meet our maker one day, no matter who or what I am or you are in life.
They are our teachers and we are their students, it's a simple equation. I know now, rather than trying to be like them, I only need to learn what I need, from them.
I would suggest you watch the link at the bottom of this post by Adam Roa, it is mind-blowing.
So What Next?
10 Steps to Accept yourself for Who you are:
A. Affirm Your Own Good
Affirmations are a very powerful way to boost your own self-esteem, they can take time, but once you have installed them as a core belief, they will boost you.
Every morning, stand in front of your mirror and say "I am worth it", initially and even progress this to saying "I Love Me". If you feel awkward, that's good as it means its working.
There are a ton of affirmations available on the web and I will add a link below
B. Never Compare Yourself to Others
The beauty of creation is that everyone is unique. Even identical twins are unique, as it is not what is on the outside, but what is on the inside.
As this is the case none of us can compare ourselves to each other. This need to compare comes from your own insecurities and it is not about the other person or people, so you need to look at yourself and what you have to change within you.
Don't fret about this either as every human being has flaws.
C. It's about Who not what.
I deal with recovering addicts every day and the one thing they do constantly is belittling themselves for their past behaviors through ongoing internalized guilt & shame.
What you have done, is not who you are and if you keep punishing yourself for what you have done, or not done in life, you will never get to know who you are.
No one can ever judge you for who you are, so why do it to yourself?
D. You are stronger than you know.
As a species, we are very resilient, how do you think we got this far, and this includes you.
Comfort zone or not, when push comes to shove, we do nearly always find a way. Sometimes, yes, it does take extreme circumstances to get us to act, but in all cases, we do, one way or another.
Think of a time in your past where you got yourself out of a difficult situation. Look at it (and it might seem insignificant now) look at what you had to do, what strengths you had to pull out, how you felt when you started to see results. Acknowledge that and acknowledge yourself for doing just that.
Keep your personal boundaries secure and this will enhance your resilience.
E. Become Goal-Oriented
Going aimlessly from pillar to post in life, is probably the most debilitating thing anyone can do, yet most of us survive on automatic pilot and just go through the motions.
Before you realize it, your life is or has passed before your eyes.
Goals are not a luxury but a necessity to life, as we all need direction and something to work towards, to achieve and to look forward to.
I used to hate the word "Goal" as to me that was synonymous to hard work and something far beyond my reach. You might as well have asked me to climb Everest or something.
Yes, goals can be hard work, but they are also very rewarding and give you a sense of meaning and purpose.
The more outrageous the goal (within reach) the greater your sense of achievement. Goals also help take you out of your mundane automatic pilot comfort zone and give you something to live for. See the link below for S.M.A.R.T Goals.
F. Keep it in the Day
I'm not sure if you have or not heard of "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle?
Living in the here and now should not be as alien as you think, the only problem is that we so conditioned, from birth, to focus on the past and future, many of us give little time for the here and now.
When you focus primarily with the past, you become either nostalgic, or depressed, or both.
When you focus solely on the future, you become obsessed, or anxious or both. Both cause more emotional pain than pleasure.
Try this out for yourself, quickly think of something from your past & then something about the future. I can bet that in either one or both of those, you created more emotional pain than pleasure.
If we had only happy memories and absolutely no worries in life then, by all means, it would be beneficial to live between the past and future, but we don't.
Just how alien is it to live solely in the present? We are the ONLY species on the planet that does. Do you think a pride of lions sits and ponders what are they going to eat tomorrow, let alone next week? No, they go hunting when they are hungry. Do you think a male deer who losses in a Rutt goes away feeling depressed and resenting his opponent? No, he just gets on with it and it is forgotten.
Wouldnt it be great to be able to do that. Through Mindfulness practice, you can learn just how to.
G. Helping Others
The most self-gratifying thing anyone can do is help another human being or even an animal, the rainforest, the oceans. Giving value gives value.
In Step 12 of AA, it says that "You cannot keep it unless you give it away" That is very true and the beauty of giving value and help of any kind, if you do it with an unconditional, open and grateful heart, then you will feel rewarded.
St Francis' Prayer quotes "It is in giving that we receive".
H.The Attitude of Gratitude
Going on from St Francis prayer, the greatest gift, giving gives is gratitude.
You don't though have to be giving constantly to feel gratitude. As the title says, it's the Attitude and gratitude can be learned by anyone. How?
Through appreciation and being thankful for what you have already in life.
Let go of all your wants and needs, and let go of what you feel you don't have. That will only add to more misery, and greed.
When you start to appreciate the smaller things in life, like nature, your family, being alive, then your gratitude will grow.
I. Let (Sh) it Go
Have an emotional and mental clear out. If you don't need it, get rid of it.
Every once in a while we declutter and get rid of stuff we don't use anymore. That can be a hard experience as "stuff" can have an emotional attachment and we end up keeping it or hoarding (extreme). We do exactly the same with our thoughts and emotions, if we hold onto them, they turn to junk and continue to haunt us. How?
Try this exercise:
Close your eyes, think of an emotion that always bothers you, like fear, shame, guilt.
Let yourself feel that e(nergy in)motion as a physical sensation, you may feel it in your gut, your solar plexus.
Let go of the thought that evoked this emotion and just follow the energy of the feeling in your body
Follow it as it moves around you and just notices that it lessens in intensity
Thank the emotion for showing up and then tell it you don't need it at this moment and you are going to let it go
Take 3 deep breaths and with each breath visualize the energy behind that emotion leaving your body
J. Doing something you love
You are allowed to enjoy yourself!! Life is not about toil and strife, it would be called existing, not life.
So get out there and just be silly, let your hair down and have fun. Sing, dance and laugh until you can laugh no more, or do whatever you enjoy, remember we all deserve it.