a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.
"she was hot with shame"
humiliation, mortification, chagrin, ignominy, loss of face, shamefacedness, embarrassment, indignity, abashment, discomfort, discomfiture, discomposure
Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog from 10th May, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:
Shame in early recovery can be extremely paralyzing as suddenly without the cover of your drug of choice or alcohol you are raw. People feel humiliated having to acknowledge or admit that are alcoholic, they don't want to be seen at AA meetings or have anything to do with other people in recovery. AA covers this by promoting anonymity & confidentiality. This is to protect people and also make it more attractive for people to join.
Shame though is just a form of pride, and you've heard the saying: "Pride Go Before A Fall", thus to maintain your recovery you have to process and let go of your shame.
An example of the insanity of shame in recovery is people who are mortified for anyone to know they are in recovery, but though nothing about falling about the place in a drunken stupor, for all to see.
Shame and addiction
Shame is deep rooted, and not always our fault, unlike Guilt, which takes an action from us.
Shame and Addiction go hand in hand.
Where one leads the other must follow.
Both exist behind the wall of Denial.
Not to be exposed
Shame hides behind Masks, just as addiction does.
Hidden by what it is not:
- Need to Control.
We are very vulnerable in early recovery if we don’t begin to deal with our Shame.
Getting back to basics.
Facing our own Fears.
If we don’t deal with our Shame, we will drink or use again.
Irrational Beliefs that appear very real.
The Vicious Circle.
Giving up Control.
Get a sponsor.
Do a step one.
Shame & Spirituality
You cannot find a Spiritual awakening if you have shame.
Has God Forgotten Us.
Do we trust God.
Am I alone.
Be gentle with yourself.
*I am a Child of God and I deserve Love, Peace, Serenity and Prosperity.
*I am Loved, because I deserve Love.
*I forgive myself for hurting myself and others.
*I forgive myself for letting others hurt me.
*I forgive myself for accepting sex when I wanted love.
*I am willing to accept Love.
*I am not alone, I am one with God and the Universe.
*I am whole and good.
*I am innocent and totally deserving of love unconditionally.
*I am capable of changing.
*Just for Today, I will respect my own and others’ boundaries.
*Just for Today, I will be vulnerable with someone I trust.
*Just for Today, I will take one compliment and hold it in my heart for more than just a fleeting moment. I will let someone nurture me.
*Just for Today, I will act in a way that I would admire in someone else.
My Next Blog is on Spirituality
The articles in "Recovery from Addiction" Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the blue box below.
Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace. My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate. In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time. I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default. It turned out well for me, but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.