Do you feel loved? I know I questioned that many times in my life and still do.
What is love really? A feeling, a commitment or a dependency?
Have you ever stopped to think what love really is and how it works? Yes, maybe you have and if you have I really congratulate you. Most of us don't ever feel really loved deep inside. I'm sure if we went and died a few people would start questioning our whereabouts or blame us for not having called.
Love is a word we use a lot, and for many reasons. I love chocolate, early morning and of course You, right?
So let's examine this thing called love.
l always say that everyone deserves a least one person who is crazy about them. Have you got someone who is crazy about you? I hope you do.
Someone who's got your back no matter what. Someone who knows what you're really like and still think you are the very best. Someone who's there for you whenever you need it!
You remember when you first met your loved one, there was nothing on this earth you would not do for this person, you would crawl naked through broken glass to be with them.
Every morning, noon and night you just could not think about anything else and you felt awkward and foolish whenever you were together. Remember? It felt so damn good, didn't it?
Of course, it could never stay that way, after the first few month most of the feeling had gone away and reality set in, right? Who's going to work and who's doing the cooking and are we going to have enough for the mortgage and so on.
The first months (the honeymoon period) is a physiological sensation that leaves out anything else other than the instinct for the continuation of the human kind. Purely physically driven and so intense, the sexual urges flows rampant.
So great, yes and many people continue to pursue this same feeling for the rest of their lives. Moving on from one experience to another as the flame distinguished.
However, let's look past the physical side of this and explore the need for acceptance, belonging and safety. After the relationship has matured a bit, we start to deal with each other's real character traits.
We compare our partner against a very clear template we have created by comparing our own family, friends, relatives, tv, or even workmates.
We have set values and paradigms (things that we believe to be true), that clearly states whats acceptable and whats not.
For instance, if your parent's drink and smoke, you will maybe more readily accept a partner do so also. If your family is loud and noisy you would be more accustomed to this in a new relationship.
If you mother is opinionated and controlling, you will perhaps accept your partner being like that also. However, I cover the different personalities in a different post so I won't go into that too much here.
What I really like to focus on is the feeling that someone got your back through thick and thin, as the saying goes. This is, I believe, the most amazing feeling ever and unfortunately also a relatively rare one.
You see most of us are brought up in a conditional love relationship with our parents. It goes like this, if you behave like we think you should, we will love you and if not, we will love you less and we may even ignore you.
Can you relate to this?
Some kids grow up with a set of parents that rarely actually "see" them, leaving them with such an empty feeling inside that never goes away.
Well to have this incredible feeling that someone really really love us for who or what we are, we must first learn to love and accept ourselves fully.
Everyone is so worried about what other people think and says about them that they never really get into this loving someone unconditionally. That's why I suggest that you should always marry your best friend because having been friends before proves a level of acceptance that is already time proven and enjoyed.
If that's not convenient then look for the same traits as what you have and enjoy, because after the honey period, that's what you will be comparing to. It's said that opposite attracts, but that's really only for a certain period after that it's annoying.
So to maintain a lasting relationship, I simply suggest that you look at the period when you first met each other and how intense the feeling was about looking after each other. Then go about making a plan for really looking after your partner or indeed anyone your really care about.
Find out what they need or ask them, what can I do to make your life more happy and comfortable. Don't just assume that you know what will be good for them, it's so irritating when someone insisted on painting your house bright yellow, when all you wanted was a hand to put up the fence, right?
Then pay attention to what they are doing and try to support them, write little messages on slips of paper in their lunch box, reminding them how important they are to you and how much you appreciate their effort and so on. Be crazy about them and don't worry about looking silly.
You know what to do, you don't need me to tell you how to make someone feel good, I'm sure. Paying attention to them, are the keywords here.
Don't forget also, that chivalry is not dead yet, flowers and chocolate are still a hit these days, and ladies, letting your partner come home finding you dressed only in glad wrap, could potentially make for a great evening.
Spending at least 15-30 minutes every day with each of your children alone will create a bonding so strong and also visiting your parents often, including your grand parents, as you will regret it when they have passed on if you don't.
I hope this helps you in some small way, my friend. If you like it please share it.
More information is available from my website, at http://lifecoach.rocks
Thank you, Nick Struan