Until not so long ago that was a feeling I had on a regular basis. It actually started in my early twenties with anorexia. Today, this is not part of how I feel anymore. However, the sad truth is that so many people do feel that way... but for all their life.
If you do feel that way, here's an insight from someone who was there, who got herself out of it. I would have liked to have someone telling me this at the time, so I hope it can help you.
It's not you that you hate but the life you live
That was a big one when I realised this. Here's the thing. There's this inner part of you, the one that loves you unconditionally. The one that knows what's best for you. And then you have your ego. That has been built over the years through your education, the "must", "should", "have to" and so on. This is the part of you that is always so negative about everything new you'd want to do in your life because it want's to "keep you safe". The bigger the gap between these two, the bigger the discomfort. That's why when you say "I hate myself", it's because you're at war with yourself. One part wanting to live this life you truly want to live and are meant to live. The other part not letting you do it because it's unknown and scary.
No one else but you can change this state of mind
Now you may not like this and may not want to hear it but unfortunately, it's the truth. You and only you can change the way you feel. Feeling depressed is a choice. You can get all the help you want, unless you decide to get yourself out of this, you will stay there. Not to mention the habit of being given medication which fogs your mind even more, making it harder to think clearly and to have the strength to make a change. It's important that you think clearly, that you feel what you feel in order to become aware of all these negative emotions that need to be overwritten. So that you can make a conscious choice to change.
What do you truly want for your life?
That was a hard question for me to answer at the beginning. All I knew was that I couldn't stay in a life in which I felt miserable, useless, unhappy to the point where I just wanted to end it. Instead of giving up on me, I decided to give up on this past life and to create a new one. No matter what it would take. I went all in. No plan B, only plan A. I knew there was no way I ever go back to corporate. I tried enough years and the only thing it did was to slowly kill me. Because of this I was committed to do something in order to stop feeling this pain all the time. That was all I knew. You don't need to know more than that. Just know why you want to change. Once you have this, you become unstoppable.
You don't need to have it all figured out
Which brings me to this. Although I knew I didn't want to feel this pain anymore, I thought I needed to have it all figured out. That was the "control freak" part of me thinking. You won't have it all figured out at the beginning. And that's ok. As long as you know you want to change, with the right support and being committed to make it happen, you don't need more than that.
You get to choose
Again, not something you may like to hear. However, for those of you who know me, I'm pretty straightforward and I don't do BS. As everything in life, you have a choice. If this feeling of being depressed, miserable stuck in a vicious circle is familiar to you, if it's been here for years, same as it was for me, I can only recommend you to make a change. To make the conscious decision that you're going to take action, get yourself out of this situation and go for your dream. However, I could spend pages telling you why and how you could do this, if you don't want to, there's nothing I can say that will do the trick. It has to come from you. That could be your first act of self-love :)
Get the appropriate support
Now this is the one thing that has been crucial to me. Because of all these negative habits of thoughts I had, I literally had to reprogram my mindset in order to go for positive. I couldn't have done this on my own. But this time, instead of going to see a counsellor, like I was told so many times because obviously "there was something wrong with me", I looked elsewhere. I found a way to build my business with people who also support me on my mindset. To me this is way more efficient than any counsellor.
PS: If you want to check out the 4 videos that got me started, click here. It's free and will give you a good idea of what you can do. Worst case, you find yourself at the same place as where you are today... best case, you get an opportunity to do something to feel better and therefore live better... who knows!