The Stuck In A Rut Story - Instant Gratification - Patrik Hillerhag - Part 5 of 30 - The Fall.
Inspirational post shared by Mark Ford, with the full permission of Patrik Hillerhag, concerning being stuck in a rut and instant gratification.
Please note that this includes delicate and explicit information. You may agree that Patrik is to be applauded for his vulnerability in the face of sharing this with you.
If you do not want to read this you are asked to skip to the next article. However, it is shared as is from Patrik to show the inspirational journey, over 30 blog posts, that he has gone on and how he has dealt with being stuck in a rut and maintaining motivation to move forwards.
In doing so... it is hoped that you take value from the share and can resonate with it from your own journey.
Patrik was challenged to 'stay in action' building his home business and lacked motivation and became stuck in a rut. He took on a challenge from me to write 30 blog posts on the topic to help motivate him and get to the root of why he was like this. He found that by going back over his story and sharing it, it helped him realise where he was in life and why and what was needed to not let his past define his future.
He is now working as a freelance life coach and has made significant steps forward in his new found career. All the best Patrik!
Part 5 ... The fall...
As I have written about in my previous posts it was pretty clear that my focus growing up or even as a young adult was on my long term goals. Simply because it was never discussed at home, goal setting was not something that was practiced neither by my parents or friends
I don’t blame them for that, I think it’s something that has come up more recently as the self-help movement has grown huge with the rise of the internet.
To me, life was about enjoying things in the moment and not caring so much about the outcome. I’ve always been a curious guy and I’ve sort of always looked for the truth in things. I loved to learn new things when it was a subject that I was interested in, rather than being forced by teachers in school to learn about it without any particular reason other than just getting a grade. It wasn’t cool to be good in school either, as a guy.
Alcohol was a lot cooler, and acting like a bit of a crazy person to make your friends laugh, was more important than to stay focused in class and have a long term plan. “I will think about that later”, was my standard excuse. And as you can guess, days became months and years and all of a sudden I’m sitting there in my late 20s wondering why my life stinks and why I haven’t got it together.
My immaturity was abruptly interrupted by the tragic death of my close friend at the age of 24. I had a massive wake up call. I didn’t want to fool around with drugs and alcohol anymore. Because I could see what it had done to my friend. I was devastated. And my whole world disappeared. In that moment when my friend passed away it was as if my youth died with it.
I always knew deep down that drinking alcohol was never a good idea for me. And with every year it got worse and worse with each time I tried to get up on the horse again. Drinking on a Saturday would leave me hungover until Tuesday if not Wednesday.
My productivity was at an all time low, I was just getting by. I thought I had to use it to get by. Because staying sober scared the shit out of me. Having to talk to someone at a bar without drinking, nightmare. Having to approach girls without a drink in my hand, nightmare.
How the heck do I change? I tried quitting by the will power, and it worked for a while but I always kept coming back to it. But I figured out that I had to learn as much as possible about addiction and why it happens. So my cure to addiction was to get addicted to information and learning. And it worked. Instead of going out on a Friday night with my friends I would take walks and listen to podcasts about addiction. I would learn about how to better myself.
I found out that there is usually some traumatic experience or experiences in the childhood that
has triggered a person to start a behaviour of self destruction. For me it was many different experiences over a long period of time.
- Feelings of anxiety
- Feeling unsafe and thinking that the world was out there scary and big, when I was little.
- When my dad would get angry.
- When the kids in the yard would be mean.
- At school when I felt misunderstood or mistreated.
- At home when I didn’t get to have it the way I wanted it.
I started playing a victim role. I started to think that the world was against me and I was against it. That all adults are idiots anyways. And that no one understands me. I started building up anger and frustration. And I decided to not give a crap.
Therefore, why would it matter if I had fun in the now if nothing mattered anyway? Why not just enjoy life and do all the things that are fun and make me happy? Why care about anything?
It would lead me down a very dark path, to think that nothing mattered and that the world owed me everything without me having to work for it. It was a recipe for disaster, it just doesn’t work that way. I was selfish, I only thinking about myself.
And I didn’t care if I was rude to anyone as long as I was right.
I would ridicule people that I thought was annoying or didn’t share the same beliefs as me. I was arrogant. I always wanted to be right and I was sure that I was right. And I didn’t care. Nothing mattered, we’re here for no reason and we’re all gonna die soon anyways.
The jealousy and envy to people who had success was killing me. I looked at them and thought “who the f*ck think they that they are?” And I was sure that I could do better than them, if I only tried. I had a hard time taking anything seriously anymore because of the tragic events that had happened to me over a short period of time. And after losing my job it was almost laughable.
What the heck was the universe doing with me? Is it trying to f*ck with me? Is it out to get me?!
It was all about me. Me, me, me. I was the victim and it was the worlds fault that I had failed, not my own. This sort of mentality would drag me down and eventually force me to change, because staying there was no longer an option. I had to let go of the past and move on.
I knew I was in for a hell of hard ride, but I also for some reason knew in the back of my mind that it was going to be worth it, in the end.
After waking up on new years day 2017 I decided enough is enough - I quit. And I’m not going back. Time for a change.
Come back tomorrow as Patrick continues his Gratification Story Part 6...
You're more than welcome to join me on this journey." - Signed Patrik Hillerhag
From Mark Ford... Thank you for sharing this fifth part of your stuck in a rut story. We look forward to reading the other 25 blog posts and in addition the 15 videos that Patrik has done on motivational issues.
I hope that those of you who read this take some value from it and that you can relate to this in some way. Please leave a comment and we can continue this conversation.
This Ted talk may also prove helpful.
Stuck In A Rut Video -Ted Talk
Accreditation: How to get unstuck | Terry Singh | TEDxYYC - TEDx Talks
I wish you every success in achieving your goals and knocking your ruts firmly on the head.