I wanted to share and connect with my fellow readers about an issue that you may have experienced and had to live with.
The chatter of the mind is a trickster. It’s the inner voice in your head that tries to sabotage, especially in times of stress. It can also wreak havoc with your self-esteem, making it hard for a person to achieve our dreams and goals. The nagging thoughts even go so far to tell us that we’re too fat, skinny, stupid or we haven’t the skills to accomplish certain tasks.
Growing up in a world where the systems have lied, cheated and failed us. We have to take responsibility in creating our lives.
This Isn’t Who We Are
That nagging voice, the trickster, comes from the subconscious mind. It’s a place where our beliefs have been fed from our upbringing. It’s also the environment that we grew up in and have been conditioned to believe that is who we are.
But if we listen to the trickster and give up on a particular dream or goal, we are wielding that inner voice control and power. This can, in turn, cause the trickster to take control of our other feelings, hopes and dreams. It all can become a never ending vicious cycle.
Break the Inner Voice with Positive Thoughts
I had reached my breaking point and was fed up with the trickster's control over me in not being able to achieve what I had wanted in life.
I’ve worked my ass off religiously to provide for my family and see the world. But to be honest, I haven’t got a pot to piss in. This all thanks to the trickster, and It’s spell it wove over my thoughts and mind. I’ve fallen back to my old habits and given up on my goals and dreams.
When I was a small child, I was never satisfied. I would look out my window on a rainy day when I couldn’t go out to play and wonder if this is all life has to offer? If so, what the hell am I here for? It’s probably a question many of us ask ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I had gratitude and appreciation, but there always seemed to be something missing.
I’ve been one of those people who continuously search for things in life, hoping to feel something. I’ve experimented with alcohol and drugs. But while it’s an initial escapism, those substances only come with isolation and pain. It also attracts more of what we are trying to escape.
This endless cycle is a hindrance and allows you to stay stuck in place in order to cope with the boredom. The lifestyle also attracts drama, which I’ve had my fair share of.
You keep doing this until finally, you realise that something needs to change or the story of my existence will prove meaningless. As soon as you decide to move toward a more positive path, things do begin to change.
I started this movement forward by giving up drugs. I was still heavily reliant on alcohol though and spend a lot of time justifying the need to drink.
For over 20 years, I’ve repeated a similar pattern. For months and upwards to a year, I would live clean. But when things weren’t quite working for me, and I wasn’t achieving the goals I set out to tackle, I would revert back to alcohol. While I wasn’t exactly a heavy drinker, the drinking was routine and caused me to make some questionable decisions along the way. The trickster was ever present in my mind, allowing me to feel vulnerable and unworthy.
Rising From the Mists of Life’s Drudgery
After an ongoing journey and a lot of failures, it is possible for us to hit rock bottom and rise up again.
" The Phoneix is the evolved fool, rising from the ashes to begin his new journey anew.This time the whole universe is his playground."
I was at a period in my life where I would drink a bottle of wine and the occasional gin and tonic at night with my partner, dreaming about life. Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing anything to help those dreams come to fruition.
We had been running a small building company where we would renovate residential properties. 2016 was a hectic time with 3 projects ongoing. One of the clients was a major pain in the ass and continued to bombard me with a sea of emails and amendments to our work contract. By the end of the year, I was totally burnt out. I also wanted to give up the building trade business after 30 years of hard work and dedication.
In February of 2017, we had no projects lined up and I was getting stressed over the prospect of no work. With my heart no longer in the business, it’s no wondering that I had nothing lined up.
As it was winter in the UK, my partner and I decided to head to Dubai and do some skydiving. This is where our passion has been for the past year and attending a canopy course would help hone our landing skills.
In Dubai, I was at the drop zone and enjoying life, except for a downwind landing over a desert ride and 25-meter drop. But it’s all a part of the learning curve, right?
I had a difficult night due to a sore throat the first day of the course. By morning, I was sick as a dog during our first skydive briefing. I put pressure on myself to stay alerted because of the money spent on the excursion. It was also something that I loved. I did eventually get through the classroom part of the day. But I was unable to jump. I was even stuck in my hotel bed the next 5 days with a tonsil infection.
Having to watch my partner go off every day wasn’t helping. But I was glad Ania was able to participate. With all this extra time to think, the trickster set off on a new course and ravaged my mind. Thoughts of where I was in life and the things that weren’t working took over. I also thought of other sabotaging thoughts such as my childhood nightmares, relationship with my daughters, how to make a living and whether I actually wanted to be with my partner.
You could say I was in a shitty place and couldn’t find my way out of this depression. I was also angry with my life, and the self-development training I had done to give me peace of mind and happiness. It all felt like I wasted my entire life.
This Was a Major Melt Down
I allowed the trickster to take command of me for close to 2 weeks. During this time, I nearly ended my relationship with Ania, who also experienced quite the meltdown caused by my mood.
With suicide statistics close to 5,000 per year, it’s easy to ascertain that we all experienced major meltdowns at times. There may even be certain triggers that set us off and allow us to go deep inside ourselves and heal the negative beliefs. We may also use props to elevate our moods and mask the way we actually feel.
6 Months Later……
At the time of my illness, I decided to forego all alcohol. I also abstained because I was on antibiotics. When I look back on this time, this was a contributing factor to my meltdown. We have now given up drinking altogether. We also went on a forty-day detoxification program. Other improvements include daily mindset rituals, clean diet, exercises and reading books on self-improvement.
This turning point in our lives has allowed us to realise our true purpose of serving others. Through experience, we have also found out the things that work and those that don’t. These positive actions have given us the strength to slowly build a new business together and set new goals for ourselves.
Our sole purpose is to inspire you to get rid of your trickster and replace them with peace of mind, and the desire to be happy with your own life.
Join us on this journey to be free and happy.
Dean & Ania