Do narcissists who are not self-aware, believe that others think and operate in relationships the same way they do? Do they devalue and discard first, because they think it will be done to them?
At the beginning they do but over time they realize others do have a different mindset so they decide to use there moral-less, value-less self as a strength. They think manipulating is a type of BEING SMART.
They also over time realize that they are always unfulfilled no matter how good life is and on rare occasions will show a Collapsed Personality, gone dull, depressed, unattached. But most of the time do manage to keep a hold on the face of it, externally, around people. Image is everything to them.
Very important it is to make sure you are not reciprocating their negativities because then you are validating their behavior.
Just because they started it doesn't mean you continue it,[ or you are almost equally accountable]. Of course then they love you to follow their lead and then hurt you back harder next time because you are joining in. Justification for revenge.
They do keep relationships at the edge so if you show signs of dumping them or losing interest they can say ‘Oh whatever, I wasn't so close to you anyway’. Its like keeping your feet in two boats simultaneously. Staying on the winners side but which could be either so will bet on both. Too insecure to even get close to loss.
Also they love making people jealous. they get a high from this. They get attention from peoples jealousy. They will deliberately ignore you and talk to others so you get jealous or jealous of others. They will cancel plans or keep you waiting so you sit jealous [ annoyed, cross ] and you are waiting on them, hence so much attention for them. Illusional attention, self created.
A key to remember is they love peoples attention on them, positive yes, but they love the negative attention possibly more because then they hurt you too in the process and you will be at your best of counterproductively.
So basically they are hindering, wasting, rendering your time, mental energy, and creativity. The less of these things you have the less you will get anything in life. And the more you can be jealous of them and see their amazing personality as they get ahead.
Because they know it is fake, a game, a diversion they will continue quite easily while you think it is a real scenario, situation and will be pretty upset.
Its a carefully or step by step or even as it unfolds a plan to agitate you to the point you are lost, bewildered, behind, backdated, ill, confused, lost confidence-self esteem, socially awkward, isolated etc.
The only good feeling they have is the high they get when people are jealous. All other feelings they have are from the negative spectrum.
They become masters at creating scenarios where they saved you or looked impressive- Fake positive attention. And they create scenarios where they get you to feel jealous in some way or another- Fake negative attention.
They want attention or they feel dead like in the grave dead, unseen, lost, soul less, gone. So Attention is life, breath, light in the dark for them.
They, by creating this negative atmosphere in your life want you to feel the same as them, dead, zombified, nill. They kind of want to take your personality for theirs. A SWAP.
You have to remember that good and bad are part of life and still be happy. So become like the monks of Tibet, free flowing , at ease, happy to be alive with all the good and bad, purified, balanced, no ego, no desires,….in other words boring for the narcissist. The key is to think ‘Do what you will, I am just happy to be alive with all the good and bad’.
If there is no ego, no desire, there is no jealousy.
A good way to go about this is, Be Kind or Nothing.
One more thing NEVER be jealous. even more so help them up and join in with their success. Be kind or nothing. This is positively impactful on them. Over time they can show a level of reduced anxiety and increased true self-confidence.
Shamila Khan - Inspirational-Motivational Mentor
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