How is your relationship with yourself?

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The Collins dictionary definition of Relationship: noun

  • The way in which two or more people are connected, or the state of being connected.
  • The state of being connected by blood or marriage.
  • The way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other.
  • A relationship is a close relationship between two people.                    

When you look at the overall definition it's about a connection between two people or more. If that's the case how is that helping us have a relationship with ourselves, it is in these social situations, work situations any situations where we are communicating with others that helps us develop a sense of self.

The Relational self is the part of an individuals self-concept that consists of the feelings and beliefs that one has regarding oneself that develops based on interactions with others.

The challenge I have with this definition is that we are looking outside, in all of these relationships, we are learning behavioural patterns, for all the interactions we have, rather than being yourself, with everyone. or every situation you find yourself in, sure you will get used to the feeling of merely existing and you will think that's just the way life is and you will be more or less ok with it.

How in touch are you with your actual emotional state, are deeper emotions, that you may not even be aware of, driving your thoughts, feelings, behaviours. Your relationship with yourself is the first and foremost important thing that you could cultivate.

This would then help you become congruent, with how you are behaving internally, is your internal behaviour, mirroring your external behaviour. This would help you improve your outside relationships in general. It is the foundation of your character and how you interact with the world.

One's relationship with oneself is crucial to proper development, It's about healthy self-love. Self-love simply means to fully accept, and allow your true, natural self to embrace the unique person you are, and fully express the unique energy that represents the very core of your being. Warning you've got to be courageous to fall in love with yourself. If you do not love yourself entirely, and actively ensure your own needs are met, you will find it difficult to do the same for others. True self-love is your most important mission.

Sharon Pearson on becoming the best version of you, states, If we don't think we are enough nothing will be enough, she believes self-love has a list of ingredients that are essential to becoming the best version of you.

Ingredients of Self Love

  • We keep our promises to ourselves
  • We can trust ourselves
  • We will follow through on what we say
  • We say what we mean and mean what we say
  • We honour commitments to others easily and effortlessly
  • We work with, and through others, compliment them we don't diminish anyone or situation we expand them.

If you are doing all of the above, you are living your life in a congruent manner, myself personally, I find that when I ask myself the above questions, followed by; Is this the best version of me, I always come up with the same answer, I don't think it is.

As humans, I believe its not lack of knowledge, or skill that holds us back. It is our relationship with ourselves our existing mindset, emotional blocks, lack of awareness and deeply ingrained habits that you must release to clear your path to become the best version of you

Once you start loving yourself first, you get on the path, of self-discovery, responsibility and accountability and you take action.

Being relentless in finding your answers, skills, and knowledge, you will be fine, it is so much better to challenge yourself, to raise your level of awareness, to let go of limiting beliefs, habits, thoughts, emotions, sensations, that don't serve you. If you can learn to love uncertainty you will build a wonderful life.


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