Feeling Hopeless on This Planet Living With MCS - My Journey on Recovering From Sensitivity to Chemicals

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Constant Seesawing  

Living a life with multiple chemical sensitivity is like riding an unsaddled stallion, unpredictable, rough and tough; you never know when you’d be hit and thrown off. It is onerous, to say the least.

Whether I can function and secure a minimum level of QOL at any give time, seems to always depend on surrounding circumstances.

I would feel pretty healthy and active in the absence of chemicals like cigarette, detergent or fabric softener smells. I become positive and energetic, and start coming up with ideas on what I want to be doing that day.

And the moment I start feeling elevated and excited about those ideas is when chemical odors usually waft in, ruining the momentum.

Aside from all the symptoms that I start to experience, my adrenaline glands would start pumping up cortisol, and I would immediately switch over to “fight or flight” survival mode. 

Naturally, I try to remove myself from the toxic environment and run for safety. 

However, in today’s society where every other person is wearing perfume or clothes washed with scented products, it is next to impossible to find a scent-free place or be in a scent-free zone for an extended period of time.

So everyday is like a never-ending chemical warfare.

This has been my life, basically for the past 20 plus years. As a result, I became homeless 5 years ago; became jobless and isolated from society, friends, acquaintances and family, even.

Exacerbating Sensitivity 

Fortunately or unfortunately, however, I was tough enough to continue working even after I started taking refuge at hotels. 

I tried moving to Vancouver first, but detergent smells were galore there, too; I moved three times in a month and ended up staying at a hotel before returning to my home country.

After having saved money again, I moved to Iceland in hope to find a breathable, inhabitable apartment, but to no avail.The air outside was heavenly and unworldly, but indoors were just about the same as any developed country I’d been to.

Having tested and failed one of the most cleanest and pristine parts of the planet, I was left feeling desperate and hopeless.

Hopeless of finding a place to live and breathe

I felt like I would have to outer space to achieve a peace of mind and find a place to live...

(to be continued)


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