Embrace the pain

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I want to have the flu.

I can feel the symptoms days before but there is no sympathy in telling everyone around you are sick when out playing tennis or cycling around town in the rain.

As you can probably tell I am in the middle of having flu. I believe I am in the latter part of it, which means I am in the feel-good section of the pain and suffering.

I am starting again to appreciate the real taste of food and being able to breathe easily through my nose.

I've also had a weird mind thing going on where I have the bad feelings of the illness with the good feelings of getting better which produces a kind of euphoric state. Within this state I am slightly invincible and I'm having such a great time but then it's altered by the introduction of a pain somewhere in my body and then I have all these terrible negative thoughts of evil things in my life and I'm back to where I started. At the beginning of the roller coaster ride.

The lady who gave me the spirulina flakes yesterday could tell I wasn't well. I promised her I would let her know if this super health food would make a difference. I have to admit that I consumed a sizeable bar of chocolate shortly after that so I don't know if the improved health was the result of the health food or the sugar rush.

So now that I'm heading out of the worst of this I realise that I've done this all wrong. I should've embraced the illness from the beginning and made much more of it and been able to look at myself and said 'you're sick, stop denying it'. Start to realise why are you are sick and what you need to do to get better instead of telling everyone that you think you're sick and still go to work and still do the things that you think you need to do.'

Then a moment of clarity came when I met a lady in the supermarket who was in an electric wheelchair. She is paralysed but manages to choose items from the shelves and quietly goes about her shopping. Nobody looked to be helping her and my brief 'are you alright' comment was answered with a gesture like I was in the way of her. She never complains, just gets on with things. I immediately contrasted my moaning life approach of illness to someone who obviously has physical challenges. There was some guilt inside me but that was swept aside by the example of this lady. Just get on with things. As long as you have the physical ability to do things, do them. So that is my new mantra. See if I can keep this up and have a new lease of life. Not moan or complain but do this for myself and for others that struggle.

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