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THE FIRST SIX MONTHS
Before I started my own business online, my career was one that brought me shame. I was working as a cleaner of , mostly, luxury homes. Don’t get me wrong, I loved travelling around Cheshire instead of the corporate career I’d had, many years prior but I knew the reason I was doing this current job was because of fear.
Low self confidence and social phobia had destroyed my corporate career and the only job I felt “safe” doing was one, that required little interaction. So before I stumbled upon this new entrepreneurial road, I believe that the journey leading up to it, was “meant to be”!
“I believe every one of us is born with a purpose. No matter who you are, what you do, or how far you think you have to go, you have been tapped by a force greater than yourself to step into your God-given calling”.
~ OPRAH WINFREY
It has actually been close to six months, since I , for the first time in 25 years, had a realisation that I wanted to be well. ten years prior, I thought I’d cracked recovery and started a family, but anorexia soon reared its head again, three years ago. Wanting to be “normal” for my children wasn’t enough because the stuff inside, wasn’t fixed! Being in my early forties on top of the many years of abuse Id already put my body through…….this last relapse was risky, health wise. You never see that at the time but deep down I knew that i maybe dicing with my life. Knowing this, still wasn’t enough, I was literally trapped in my own self made prison.
WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT BECAME REALITY
The thought patterns about myself, were strong enough, to run the course of my life. From the job I was doing, relationships i had, my activities… everything!! We all have this chatter inside our minds, and for many, this chatter can be our own worst enemy. It’s that voice that tells us all kinds of things, that are usually untrue. It has been said…. control your mind before it controls you! For myself, I was listening to alot of noise, that was not at all kind and believing every single word of it. As a consequence of being told these negative statements, My escape was through self starvation. This “escape”, had been there for me, from the age of thirteen, so was like a best friend.
This information is to explain, just how powerful the mind can be and it determines the way we behave. This was all new to me, but once i became more “aware” of the power of the mind, my whole perspective changed. This awareness , is what I am most thankful for because without it, who knows where my life would have ended up. The realisation, more importantly, is that my children, now have a healthy and happier mum, which is the true blessing here, without a doubt. I wonder, how many of us are living a life that does not fulfill our purpose or desires because of that inner chatter….. ! Maybe a job is turned down, due to fear of the unknown or a relationship has become loveless……. but instead of acting accordingly, the “safe” option is taken….. the mind has the control.
How i discovered the techniques and habits that gave my life a severe hand break turn is really strange. Looking at something on youtube, one evening (no idea what), I came across an advert which made me take notice, so i subscribed and received the relevant information. It was a blank memory because I don’t really remember the video either. This amnesia, most likely caused by a lack of nutrition BUT… it was powerful enough to penetrate the anorexic haze and speak to my subconscious mind.
Even in a state of poor health, there was something inside that longed for something else. Underneath it all, was a longing to be fixed and sheer despair at not being equipped inside myself, to go after my ambitions or achieve my fullest potential. This …. “doing nothing”, in alignment with who i am as a human being, was a huge part for relapsing into anorexia.
What i learnt was the mindset of a successful entrepreneur and that, was what shattered the delusions i had created within my own mind. The online community that were just like me, learning to build an online business together, through the teachings of extremely successful digital entrepreneurs. The education is the tech side and business but there is also the focus on mindset and what it takes to become “successful”. I was hearing about meditation , yoga, universal law and how important it is, to always build a business that provides value to others with integrity. There were a number of individuals who were taking good care of their bodies with proper nutrition and exercise. All of this, was like i had finally found others, like myself…… the “self” i had always wanted to be. I would read natural health magazines and watched oprah winfrey interviewing the likes of Gary Zukav…… I just never applied it to myself because my mind was on auto -pilot.
For the first few months of building my business, i came across, some steep learning curves and soon realised, why everyone was focusing on the mindset aspect so much. It’s really easy to get annoyed and self critical, when doing something new and that inner critic was having a ball telling me…. i couldn’t learn this stuff and that i should quit!
This is when i began to seriously acknowledge and practice meditation, yoga and qigong (energy healing). I also began reading, which is something i had never been in to but now, the thirst for knowledge makes reading so enjoyable. There is a wealth of knowledge to be had and so many of us have been in the dark about our inner workings, which have stolen our lives, for so long.
That inner chatter, is not our true self. It is the voice of the past,,, usually from childhood. Meditation has the ability to completely quieten that noise…. when the noise is gone, then you discover the real you and it is beautiful. Yoga, has similar effects on the mind and releases inner stress blocking the body. I had experienced several health issues and have found relief by practising the calming and stretching nature of yoga. Qigong is probably my favorite mind practice. At the beginning of the session i can feel sluggish or have computer eyes but afterwards, i feel awake and the focus is astonishing.
I have been in recovery for a little under six months and a whole new world has appeared before my eyes. Even at my worst, my inner self heard what I was yearning for it that video and something inside, made me take action. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to discover how take charge of my inner world because the alternative, doesn’t bare thinking about! Now, I am healthier in body and mind and have unleashed the inner entrepreneur inside and building a business that will make me proud, some -day soon.
RESOURCES FOR MENTAL HEALTH