1A reason or explanation given to justify a fault or offence.
‘there can be no excuse for any further delay’
‘the excuse that half the team failed to turn up’
[ verb ik- skyooz; noun ik- skyoos]
VERB (USED WITH OBJECT) [EX·CUSED, EX·CUS·ING.]
to offer an apology for; seek to remove the blame of: He excused his absence by saying that he was ill.
to release from an obligation or duty: to be excused from jury duty.
Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog from 15th April, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:
We all have excuses and have lived our lives with excuses, all types of excuses: I am not strong enough, I'm not deserving, I'm a bad person, I can't do this, It's too hard, I'm not as good as. The list goes on and on. Most of our excuses are subconscious and are only triggered when we are confronted with a challenging thought, feeling decision or action.
When I was drinking I used every excuse in the book, from "I drink because I need to relax", "I'm not ready to stop", "I'll stop tomorrow", "I can't", "It's too hard", "I'm still young", "Everyone else is the same as me",......... and so on and so forth. If you've been in active addition, I'm sure you've used many excuses in your time too. Now when I look back and look at myself and the people I work with, I see that all these excuses where mainly a defence mechanism to keep the addiction alive.
In recovery the excuses do still linger, "Stopping is easy, Staying stopped is hard". It takes a lot of hard self development work to change yourself, and this process is very challenging and fearful .Using excuses in active addiction became a habit, so we first have to become aware of when we are using excuses and then change them around. This is hard to do on your own initially and you have to ask for help, especially to identify when you are using an excuse or cop out, as we do it automatically. List all the excuses you use on a regular basis and ask yourself why.
Once you become aware of your excuses, you then have to take action: "Can't lives on Won't Street". Yes most excuses we use aren't that we cannot do something, but that we won't. Ask yourself why not?, realy look at your answers here and if you are honest, you will notice that most excuses come from self fear. The only way to face a fear is to go ahead and do it. To avoid overwhelm, start small and work your way up the scale and always appraise yourself and congratulate yourself for each achievement.
Once you start to turn your excuses around, you do become more responsible and more self empowered, as you will start to see results. The hard part of this process for addicts and alcoholics in recovery is learning patience and self tolerance. We are instant gratification type people and want to see results NOW. Life doesn't work that way, and instead of focusing primarily on the result or goal, focus on the journey that is taking you to that goal. You will be amazed at what you see along the way. Most of all be kind to yourself. I wish you luck.
My next article is on Empathy, stay tuned.
The articles in "Recovery from Addiction" Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the blue box below.
Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace. My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate. In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time. I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default. It turned out well for me, but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.
There is a fantastic book/ebook by Wayne Dyer called:Excuses be Gone