3 Illusions That Cause Frustration In Motherhood.

So you're raising a snot monster. Oh shit, I meant toddler. :D

It's bitter-sweet isn't it?  

These times can be very testing, most of us are not equipped to deal with such irrational and impossible little beings. Although small in size, they can send us into an emotional rollercoaster within seconds. 

Then, the next second our hearts are melting from the irresistible love we feel for them. okay, maybe the next MINUTE or so. Second is pushing it. 

Most times, we feel like we are the only ones who's crayon gobbler is truly a wild animal that needs taming. Until you witness the 2-year-old screaming, slapping and flailing around like a fish in the mall. You enter a state of mind where you almost feel at ease. "uhhuh I'm not alone."

There are a few factors that play in the daily lives of us mom's, I want to share with you the mindset shifts that assist me in being better equipped when these factors play in.

Three illusions that cause frustration and struggle in moments with our toddlers. 

Just to clarify my use of the word illusions. My intention is not to make you feel like these struggles are not real. It is only to suggest the power we hold to move past them. 

1. Time and the lack of.

Time seems to be something that causes the most stress (next to finances). We believe that we never have enough of it. Often this will be the underlying overwhelm in moments of parenting.

These unique little souls we are guiding are finding their way in a diverse world. Over-run by their curiosity. They have absolutely no concept of time or responsibility, nor should they.

The only time that exists is the moment we are in right now. The past and the future are only projections of the mind. As adults, we tend to live in our own world that's created by thought. Due to this fact, we miss the moments we have in front of us. Society has forced upon us this sense of urgency. We rush to live our lives, meanwhile, we miss out on living.

The Illusion: The time you think you DON'T have. 

We continuously tell ourselves we don't have enough time, but the reality is, we do. It is only our perspective that tells us what we can and can't get done in a day. Be realistic with yoursel, and start notincing the time you do have, instead of the time you lack. 

This mind-set shift alone will lead you towards being aware of what you really do with your time. 

Our children, however, are born living life and enjoying every single moment they are blessed with.

How to keep that constant discovery alive in our children but still meet the timings of our adult responsibilities.

Always engage the mind of the gremlin! Always ask for help. I say "Dante, mommy needs your help please" (with excitement in my voice) " I just don't know what pants you should wear today!" OR "Dante, will you please hold this bag while I start the truck.. Make sure you don't drop it!! (To keep him from undressing while I start the truck or get everything else ready to go)

Give him/her/them responsibilities with excitement and positivity. I found the more positive you are about "taking care of business" the more engaged and excited they will be to help. With my experience, I realize the most upset and flustered I get the more my son does exactly what I don't want him to do.

I recommend the book "The untethered soul" by Michael A. Singer. You can check out the author here (http://untetheredsoul.com/) . And order the book from the site. This is a very powerful read to start finding your inner fulfillment.

I also recommend trying audio books. I listen to audio books while cooking, cleaning, and driving. It is convenient nutrition for the mind.

2. Dealing with Judgement.

Don't you think the worst place to be judgemental is as a parent towards another parent? We are talking about the most emotionally engaging and difficult jobs that exist.

Here's the problem. There is so much underlying fear in parents due to many reasons. One of the major ones being the fear of not doing it right. Making mistakes that could be detrimental to our children or failing as a parent.

When we feel judged, often we allow that judgment to occupy our emotions, or thoughts for some time. Sometimes it will even lead us away from our own truth, when if comes to our responses or actions towards our children. 

Illusion: The truth is, judgment is nothing more than people projecting their own inner fears.

So, if you feel you are being judged, or you are very clearly being judged. I suggest not allowing this to control how you move forward. Do not allow another's judgment of you control how you feel about yourself or your ability as a parent. It truly has nothing to do with you.

Unless, of course it was not judgment and it was constructive critisizm, but I will assume that we know the difference bewteen the two for the sake of this post.

I was so sure that I was going to rock motherhood, that when I was faced with challenges I was not mentally equipped to deal with it took a great deal of looking inside myself to discover/accept that I don't know what the hell I am doing.

As I gained more clarity around this, I saw that other mothers were facing the same reality, and having a hard time looking at themselves. So they naturally look at others and judge.

(I find mother's in peticular are bad for being judgmental.)

It is okay, not to know what you're doing. The best thing you can do is be the best person you can be each day, and parent from your heart. Not from what society or culture thinks you should do.

Send positive thoughts to the judge'rs. They are only scared.

3. Allow you rchildren to see behind the ego. 

When I really began to practice this, the stress never built up like it did. I feel like I was granted a larger container to hold my challenges, I was no longer overflowing with overwhelm. 

The majority of us would have grown up being told "do it because I said so" or were made to feel that our parents knew everything and we were not suppose to know a thing. They knew how you should act, how you should dress, how you should speak and how you should.... everything in your life. 

Through this we begin to build an ego. Something to identify with, because we don't have a real chance to get to know our true inner being, so we act out, rebel and go through mid-life crises. 

Then we have children, and we begin to portray the pain we never resolved onto them through our egotistical parenting. 

When I began to realize where my reactions came from, and began to talk to my 2 year old as if he would understand the fact that I acted in a way I should have never acted, appoligise, own my mistakes and be more curious in who he was and why he was doing the things he was doing. 

The pressure wasnt on anymore, I felt weight fall off my shoulders. As if, it was okay to make a mistake and own it with my toddler. 

Illusion: We are not here to mold our children into what we want. We are here to guide and grow with them. 


Your Turn! 

I love exploring things that can help me grow as a mother, I want to hear what illusions that you bought into or see others buying into, that's just not reality.

Follow the link below and leave your experience in the comments.