Being a HAPPY mom.

1. YOU-TIME is absolutely CRITICAL!

When was the last time you're beautiful little human looked up at you with an honest sparkle of admiration and spoke the words "thank you for always putting me and everyone else before yourself, mommy"

Is it safe to say never?

Now, don't twist my words! I am not saying that you do what you do for a cookie or some kind or recognition, I know I don't. But if you are human then like the rest of us, you probably feel that strike of warmth that runs through your body, making you feel a kind of natural high when you are simply recognized for just being you, and doing what you do.

The missing link? We can never control what others do or don't do, say or don't say. Including our husbands, parents, friends or children.

So, mama, it is up to you to look after you.

Once a week will do! If you need more than take it damn it!

BE SELF AWARE!

Make sure your self-pleasure doesn't cause you pain or heartache in the future. Meaning, over-spending, over-indulging in anything or picking up new habits that won't serve the best version of yourself.

Things you can try;

- When the kids are asleep. Have a glass of wine in the bath while listening to tunes that make you feel at ease and full of life.

OR - Step it up a notch, feed your mind with words and knowledge that empower you mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Nutrition for your mindset.
Like ammunition for the following day's mission.
Arm yourself for the stress you KNOW you will endure.
Train your mind to turn your challenges into opportunity.

Books ( I use Audio, so I can multi-task) that have been transformational for me;

Links will take you to each book on Amazon.ca where you can view or purchase them.

The Power of Now
The Untethered soul
The Awakened Family
A return to Love

- Sometimes waking up a little earlier, before the kids get up can pay off. The air in the morning is often crisp and awakening. Even if you have to bundle up to spend a few minutes outside, hot coffee in the crisp fresh air is refreshing and exhilarating. Take deep breaths and just feel the air travel in and out of your lungs, hold for a count of 4 and release for a count of 4. Repeat this as much as you feel fit.

Start your day like this, and you will feel alive.

For some, spending time with friends or family is considered time for one's self, and each to their own.

The reason I don't mention it or consider it for myself is because it doesn't give me time to analyze my thoughts and emotions, which allows me to get centered. When

I speak of time for YOU, I am referring to no distractions, no one demanding your attention, time to just sit with yourself.

2. Don't bring emotion to an irrational battle.

We all do this. Something sets us off, and we enter a battle with emotion. Whether it's frustration, anger, or just sadness. Like bringing a gun to a water fight! 

Remember, the power lies within you.

I invite you to look at love with a new perspective. Nothing can touch or move love. True love always is, and always will be. It is the only thing that actually exists. As a mother, you carry an endless supply of it, and it can be the ultimate teacher.

When we lead with love and give ourselves time to do so the answers flow like a river. When something sparks you, allow yourself to take a moment before reacting to the situation or action.

Remind yourself in that moment of a few things you absolutely love about the culprit! When you step back into the conversation or situation, smile and deliver tough love. A lesson lies within each moment that we feel tension.

Deliver that lesson,

"You just threw a toy and hit your brother in the face (for the third time today), I suppose you are not responsible enough to have toys. Please help me put all your toys into this bag so we can put it in the shed until you feel you are responsible enough to have them again" **screaming, rolling on the floor kicking, stomping down the hallway, slamming doors and saying mean things** <---- These things are happening now, as you put toys into the bag. OH WELL!

If that is how they choose to take out their anger or frustration, leave them be. They get to feel those emotions and work through them. This is something we have all been deprived of in earlier generations. We were taught to be ashamed of our emotions or to hide them.

Now, they run our lives because we've had no practice sitting with them and accepting that it's okay to feel them.

When I was (and still am) practicing this, I felt like I was leaving my son to fend through his own misery. I was supposed to be there for him and make him feel better! Those thoughts, though lead me to give into whatever he wanted, this was not going to serve him as a person. This was not setting him up to face life and the challenges in the most efficient way.

So I resorted to reminding him, "it's okay to be frustrated or angry. But that doesn't give you the right to hurt other people or their feelings." Or "that doesn't mean you can hurt your brother."

You don't have to take on that frustration, that's not yours to have. And you don't have to control how they act or don't act. Lead with love and truth and allow what is, to be.

Protect yourself from the flare of negative energy. Protect yourself with the shield of LOVE.

Quite often, things build up and we bring a gun to a water fight.

Oh, and I had better tell you. This takes practice. So be patient with yourself.

3. Lay down expectation

I briefly mentioned this above, and I will try and keep this short because I could go on about it for days.

This has been one of the biggest lessons for me to truly understand and come to terms with.

When we become parents, we build a vision or an expectation of who our children will be. What they will achieve and how they will present themselves. Usually, these expectations are built on what we did not achieve, or did. Or the expectations that were held over our heads as children.

This sets them up for failure and adds stress to a mama's day like nothing else.

My son is a challenge, he can be a bully and often I catch myself being frustrated for the wrong reasons. Not because he is completely out of control, not because he has done anything really that wrong. That frustration ignites simply because he is not acting the way I see to be ideal.

Here is a question for you; Why should he act as I see fit?

Yes, he should have manners.
Yes, he should treat others with respect until they prove unworthy.
Yes, I want him to be a good person.

Truly, though, that is all. So I lead with my heart and remind him to do the same. Then I allow his personality to shine.

It is the only way they will make it in this world today, the world that we have no means to prepare them for.

Laying down expectation and allowing them to shine on their own.

Loving and accepting them for who they are, before they do or achieve anything.

This will allow you to release some weight you hold on your own shoulders. Once we understand that we don't have to control the outcome of our children's lives, but just create a home with a roof and love for them to do that themselves than we can take our focus off the detail we can't control and put it on what we can control.

Accepting, allows us to uncover the small pleasures again.

Let go of the unnecessary stress

5. Slow Down, and tell overwhelm to piss off.

For me, the biggest overwhelm was trying to keep up with the expectations of my husband, and my expectations of being a mother. As a stay at home mom, I was made to believe that I didn't have much of a job and I got to be at home, so what else could I ask for?

It was not until I put it all into perspective and realized the true job I had on my hands that I began to set my priorities straight and stopped trying to meet the needs of anyone else.

Do you feel that a teacher's job is important?
Having our children in their care for 6-8 hours a day?
Would you want the teacher to be happy? Passing positive energy onto the children? (our next generation)
This would require that the teacher showed up every day with her priorities straight.

Let's visualize something, I am your child's 3rd-grade teacher;

It's Monday morning and my head is spinning. I should have done Joe's laundry for work, instead of watching TV for two hours. How are we going to pay the bills piling up on the kitchen table? I cannot believe how rude that banker was to me on Friday... I should go back in and pull my accounts. I look like shit, it's been two months since I had my hair cut. Errr, these jeans are getting tight, I wish I did laundry last night. Joe isn't going to like the chicken I put in his lunch, it's overcooked.

Reality;

Me -  "Alisha (your daughter), can you tell me what happened in chapter 4?"
Alisha - " I didn't get that far Mrs. Auclair, I thought we only had to go to chapter 3?"
Me -  " Are you kidding me!? Clearly, you didn't pay attention on Friday! Do you think you can just let things slide and you are going to get a passing grade in this class!? I bet your peers were not as irresponsible as you this weekend! I am disappointed. Have it done for tomorrow or you will be in detention!

I didn't actually mean any of that. There are many ways that I could have encouraged your child to improve, or maybe the miscommunication was on my part and should have thought about it before I spoke?

Alisha, wants to crawl under her desk and cry. She is feeling sick to her stomach and her chest feels like there is 100 pounds of brick sitting on it. She has high expectations for herself so now she is feeling extremely disappointed. She is fighting tears and is overwhelmingly embarrassed. At this point, her sub-conscious is being programmed to believe she is not good enough.

I just took all my stress and overwhelm of life out on your bright, flourishing little girl.

Now, tell me. How do you feel, as a parent? Sick, right? Maybe Pissed off?

You would be blown away to find out how often we do this to our children. And deep down it only loads on some more overwhelm for ourselves.

My point?

You are only human and your plate is only so big.

You and only you can control what your attention is on at any given moment.

If you have to, write down your priorities, and attend to them in order.

By doing so, you can find flow and this will allow that smile to come through when it is called upon.