What a common fear we have here. It is amazing how strong it is and because of this I will not tell you that you can delete it from your existence unless you become enlightened or something similar.
What I will share though are 5 steps that have worked for me in order to truly reduce that fear.
1. Protect yourself;
As empathic people we feel when people judge us inside of us.
It feels like something is crawling our skin and sneaking into our thoughts, making it difficult to think clearly and distinguish between our feelings and those of others.
So first, it is important to protect ourselves.
Visualisation has a tremendous power over us, that is why visualizing that we are protected by a golden shield or a bubble made out of mirrors (things bounce off) is very effective.
I have done it hundreds of times and so have my clients and it has always worked miracles.
We all judge, we learned how to do it through out the years.
When we were little, we never cared what others thought, yet through the influence we got in our house from our relatives and “outside” from society, we developed a sense of what was good or bad, pretty or ugly and so on.
I do believe it is important to note that when we judge ourselves, we tend to do it for longer periods of time than when other people do it.
So, when other people judge us it is for a brief period of time before they judge someone else or start judging themselves…
Sad but true and it is also important to understand that they never judge us as harsh as we can judge ourselves.
Stop looking for approval.
It feels horrible, it is better to understand that some people will like us and some simply won't, no matter what we do.
From personal experience, I made such a huge effort to be approved by my mother in law for more or less 6 years and all I got was the feeling of being worthless.
I had pretty much no self esteem after that until I simply decided to accept that she would never like me and that I could live in peace with that too.
It took a while, but in the end, I feel a LOT happier now that I let go of trying to please the expectations of a narcissist. Totally recommend it.
4. Be honest:
Ask yourself if the judgements are true.
Remember that most of the times they are lies.
Now it is important that when we make questions to ourselves in regards negative beliefs about ourselves, we have to avoid starting questions with; “why”, the reason for this is that when we answer this, we start justifying or accepting the judgement.
So, questions like; what is the purpose or how can I know this is true are far better than why.
If however, one is true and transcendental, accept it and if you can, do something about it
5. Reveal your true self:
Be authentic, share the real you.
You will get used to feeling your true story, to hearing yourself.
There is nothing more empowering and freeing than doing so.
You will feel more courageous and you will recognize the truth about yourself more easily.
Please share your experiences with me when you do that, I really would love to hear your stories.
Now, in case you are interested to watch the videos I posted on YouTube that touch these steps, here are the links.
1. Protect yourself; https://youtu.be/rP-K69CZHlw
2. Understanding: https://youtu.be/IjiPdamxWMY
3. Approval: https://youtu.be/6P7D4nU4oDQ
4. Be honest: https://youtu.be/1VxX-swvRvc
5. Reveal your true self: https://youtu.be/ABIDuhj8CMs
Sending you a big warm hug: