Definition And Personal Experience:
In the Cambridge Dictionary, fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.
Most of the time, fear lives in our heads. We worry because of a thought, an idea, an assumption, a misunderstanding. We waste energy in “horror stories” we tell ourselves when in the majority of the cases they never happen.
I mean, don´t take me wrong, I think it is great that those things don´t happen but I do think that it is a waste of time and energy. As a human I am familiar with that emotion, of course, I have experienced it many times, in different intensities and in different moments of my life.
I believe that the time I have felt most afraid was around two or three years ago. I decided to wake up early and go ride my bike around a lake that was close to the apartment I used to live in. It was six in the morning and the city of Canberra was deserted, there was a special silence surrounding me. I got my bike outside the house, closed the door, was preparing myself to ride it and then I froze. I froze because a thought was echoing in my head; “what if something happens to me and there is no one around to help me?”.
Let me explain: When I was around fifteen years old, I was diagnosed with epilepsy, I used to have more or less one seizure a year.
When I was twenty-five and got pregnant, I realized that the medication I was taking was very toxic for my baby so I simply stopped taking it. I never consulted with the neurologist so that we did this little by little, and because of that, I had seizures every week. It was a very difficult time, a scary time. On one of the occasions, I drove inside of a house and took six cars with me… Fortunately, nobody got hurt but it was a scary experience. Another scary experience was when I had a third-degree burnt the day I was planning on taking a shower and had a seizure before I had time to turn on the cold water.
For years I heard the stories of what happened to me in the different seizures I had, or what I did during the time I was unconscious. The only evidence I had was a weird feeling in my mind, my throat, and probably some pain in my body. Horror stories where I was the main character and didn´t even remember I was actually there, there was no control over my body. Statistics even said I wasn´t going to live past 32.
After 9 years of this, I stopped having seizures, my mindset had changed and the medication I took and take could control them. It had been a year without seizures when I decided to go ride my bike, I had taken my medicine, I knew I was safe but I reacted as if though someone had put a stop sign in front of my face. I was petrified, what if something happened to me?
For many years I have studied different types of complementary therapies, life coaching, and cultivated myself in different ways to learn about the human mind. I know that when we have "x" emotion, we can change it to "y" by simply changing the subject. So, I did that and pushed myself in the direction of the lake. Although tears began to roll down my cheeks, I kept moving forward and began to think about all the people who love me and all the people I love.
When I got to the lake, I realized that because there was no wind, the water looked like a mirror and all the clouds, trees, bushes and grass were reflected in the lake. The fear and negative emotions vanished completely and I was filled with gratitude. I had a major divine work of art in front of me and for the whole ride, I thanked God for that gift.
As you probably know or guessed, the origin of all fears in our life has to do with our personal story. What we have experienced, felt, heard, learned and/ or seen.
We learn with all of our senses; every sensation, sound, sentence, every smell, and images are attached to a subconscious memory or experience.
Fears also have their roots in the family we were born into or the influence people had over us. Our location also plays an amazing role here. The emotional state of a child living in a country going through war is very different from a child that comes from a wealthy family in a first world country. They would both experience fear in very real ways, it would simply be contrasting. That is one of the many reasons why humans don´t understand each other, we all have “non-identical shoes”.
Most of the time we get “trained” by our parents and carers. Of course, they call it “raised” but in principle, it´s the same. Beliefs in regards to what is right or wrong, good or bad. The things we should be afraid of because our parents are afraid of and so on. If parents or any other family member were abusive, fear was born there too.
When I was in primary school and trained my dog Daisy how to sit, jump and other things, I used keywords and a reward when she followed my instructions.
When I taught my kids how to go to the loo, shower by themselves and basic things humans do, I couldn´t but remember those training days. The dog and the baby books I read were very similar.
It also works with every person no matter the age. Does manipulation ring a bell? It is playing with those principles, that is it. People want to be liked, accepted, so unconsciously we do things for "treats".
I believe there has to be a balance in the way we raise families. Life isn´t black or white, right or wrong, it is full of possibilities. Most of the people who are reading this book were raised similar to the school education system, so we are consumed by the fear of making a mistake.
If you do something acceptable for a person or group of people, you get a “treat”, if you don´t you will be treated in a less friendly way and nobody likes the sensation of that.
With the boomers, the punishments where very physical, and the more we move in time it gets more mental. Nowadays, people can get massively bullied online. That has had a huge impact on younger generations where suicide due to online bullying is a very common thing.
In all my studies and years of practice, we can find three core fears; the fear of not being good enough, not being lovable and the fear of not being safe.
Fears block us, paralyze us, share lies with us and by having them stored inside of us we simply have a toxic monster that grows bigger and more powerful as time goes by. Stress, anxiety, panic attacks, depression are the result of buying into those fears.
We are all worthy of greatness, we all deserve to be free from that and shine. There are so many unique attributes that each and one of us have that the world is craving to witness and by keeping all that potential inside of us we might leave this planet without leaving our mark. It is important that we grow, that we transform and remember who we truly are, that is why I personally love life coaching, you get to feel lighter and connect again with your truth.
Make a decision now, we give maintenance to our house, our cars, our bodies, and we also need to give maintenance to our mind and emotions. Our thoughts rule our destiny, if we want to have a clear vision of where we are going, then we have to declutter our mind from all the heavy load that is useless to us. Get help, accept help and enjoy a new chapter in your life.