The Stuck In A Rut Story - Instant Gratification - Patrik Hillerhag - Part 3 of 30.
Inspirational post shared by Mark Ford, with the full permission of Patrik Hillerhag, concerning being stuck in a rut and instant gratification.
Please note that this includes delicate and explicit information. You may agree that Patrik is to be applauded for his vulnerability in the face of sharing this with you.
If you do not want to read this you are asked to skip to the next article. However, it is shared as is from Patrik to show the inspirational journey, over 30 blog posts, that he has gone on and how he has dealt with being stuck in a rut and maintaining motivation to move forwards.
In doing so... it is hoped that you take value from the share and can resonate with it from your own journey.
Patrik was challenged to 'stay in action' building his home business and lacked motivation and became stuck in a rut. He took on a challenge from me to write 30 blog posts on the topic to help motivate him and get to the root of why he was like this. He found that by going back over his story and sharing it, it helped him realise where he was in life and why and what was needed to not let his past define his future.
He is now working as a freelance life coach and has made significant steps forward in his new found career. All the best Patrik!
Part 3 ... Story of my life...
I was pretty sensitive to my surroundings and emotions when I was a kid.
Life was crystal clear in detail and I took it all in.
When I was happy it was like I was floating on a pink cloud with unicorns and rainbows jumping and dancing around me. When it was bad, it was like a dark cave filled with monsters, spiders and snakes - with no light or way out.
Sugar was my first drug of choice. I guess it was the only thing around for a kid. Then later
came video games and music.
The best was when I combined them all together. Especially after my parents had been in an argument and I wanted to run away from the dark fog it left around the house afterwards.
I used it as an escape from reality and without knowing, I had an addicts behaviour from a very early age. I wanted to feel good and not have to feel bad, and I didn’t see anything wrong with that. Why not?! Good is good and bad is bad, right? Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Why ever feel bad if you can feel good all the time? As a child, I didn’t think more about that. If the world around me was bad, then I had to create my own little good.
I had not yet realized that what goes up must come down. And that only following the things that gave me pleasure in the short term would mean I was giving up the future in the long run.
To heck with the future, I thought as a kid. To me it felt distant and dark, I didn’t even know if there was a future.
So I stuck with doing the thing that gave me pleasure in the now. Looking for kicks I started hanging around “the cool kids” at school. I never felt a part of the gang and I was definitely not the leader when it came to the “cool stuff” they were about to do.
Whether it was stealing chocolate bars from the local store or starting fires on the outskirts of school, just for fun. I knew it was wrong and I probably said no at first, but one part of me was drawn to the dark and forbidden.
I will never forget this one time when we had built up the biggest stack of newspapers in this red little abandoned house near by our school. I think we were 8 years old. We put all the papers in a big pile, looked at it with big eyes, and lit it on fire with great anticipation. The fire came on stronger than we thought and we had to take a step back. Thick white smoke started pouring out the window like a signal that something was wrong.
Our emotions changed from fun to loss of control. We started hearing someone yelling at us and we could clearly see an adult coming towards the little house and we panicked. The 5 of us started to put the fire out, but it was too big. And if we stayed there we would’ve been caught.
We started running up the hill towards school. I was the last one out of the house. As I tried to run as fast as I could up the hill, I could hear the yelling coming closer and suddenly I felt someone grab a hold of my right ankle. I tried to get away, but quickly had to realize that I was caught.
I almost peed my pants as I tried to explain my way out of the situation by lying, saying that “we were only trying to put the fire out”... The person, didn’t believe it and asked where my classroom was. It was over. I thought I would get 10 years without TV and never get to see my friends again, but to my surprise my parents didn’t punish me at all. They talked to me and said “you know this is wrong, promise to not do it again...” I was surprised, it was a relief - yet it was also a bit weird because I had gotten away with something that was clearly wrong. And in the back of my mind that must have made me feel that it was okay to do something wrong, as long as you get away with it.
One day at the school yard one of the guys came up to me. I had a weird relationship with this guy, we were friends but he treated me like shit. He was a lot bigger than me, taller and stronger. I was weak and did not stand up for myself. I was naive and didn’t get his sense of humor, to push you around and embarrass you one day, then the next invite you over to play video games at his house.
This particular day he was happy and excited, I asked what was going on. “Have you tried this?!” He asked me as I stood there wondering what could be so good. Have you tried wanking? What is that, I asked. He explained and told me to go home and try. So I did. And yes, he was right. It was better than anything I had ever tried before.
Sugar and video games didn’t come close to it. Holy shit, I said the next day at school. Yeah, right I told you so, he replied. I was 11 at the time and I was hooked from the first time. My interests in things other than what was going to make me happy in the short term slowly faded away.
As I quit playing hockey later that year and lost any interest in school. I also noticed how I feltworse about myself and starting to get more bad feelings and have trouble with social situations. This was strange, because I had always been a pretty outgoing guy who was fun and happy. I had always felt like I was someone who would go somewhere in life, but now with the teachers in school telling me I was just a trouble maker and with “friends” that treated me like shit, I wasn’t so sure about my bright future. In fact, I started to think quite the opposite.
Alcohol, oh hell yes. I thought I started drinking at the age of 15, but ironically I must have forgotten. Thinking back now I remember that we used to use the long lunch breaks at school to take the half hour walk home to my friends house. The liquor cabinet in his parents living room stood there like a mighty wooden gate to a beautiful land yet to be discovered.
As the rascals we were, always looking for new kicks, it was only a matter of time before we got bored of lighting things on fire or stealing candy bars. The alcohol in the bottles sort of had this glow of bright light around itself with a quiet whisper “go on, try me...”.
We quickly learned that the one that looked more like apple juice tasted more like the worst cough medicine and burned in the throat like someone had put it on fire. But there was one bottle that contained a fluid that looked more like chocolate milk and that surprisingly resembled the taste of it.
Wow! We drank and it wasn’t nearly as bad as the other ones...
I’m guessing that the activities later that school day was a lot more fun than usual. And another escape from the grey and boring into the fun and exciting was born.
Come back tomorrow as Patrick continues his Instant Gratification Story Part 2...
You're more than welcome to join me on this journey." - Signed Patrik Hillerhag
From Mark Ford... Thank you for sharing this third part of your stuck in a rut story. We look forward to reading the other 27 blog posts and in addition the 15 videos that Patrik has done on motivational issues. View Part 1 Stuck In A Rut Article Here.
I hope that those of you who read this take some value from it and that you can relate to this in some way. Please leave a comment and we can continue this conversation.
This Ted talk may also prove helpful.
Stuck In A Rut Video -Ted Talk
Accreditation: How to get unstuck | Terry Singh | TEDxYYC - TEDx Talks
I wish you every success in achieving your goals and knocking your ruts firmly on the head.