These two roles are very important to fully live. I think it’s best that you have been through the victim role so you can understand what that role really is. The role of the leader is even more important because that role will take you to where you want to go.
First, let’s talk about the role of the victim. This role doesn’t really get you anywhere except for the pity potty. You don’t want to pity yourself your whole life or even five minutes. This is a negative role that doesn’t bring value to your life, other than it’s best for you to understand that this is a dark time. The dark times are things we want to go through as soon as possible because it isn’t very pleasant to be in. Without darkness, we wouldn’t know what light is.
The role of the victim is something the ego wants to play a lot when you want to change things for the better. And it will try to convince you in so many ways that it is very sickening and tiring. There are times that you will get convinced by that voice in your head. It’s part of life so it’s better to accept that. As children, we learned how to walk on two feet. But we did that by falling down and getting back up. There are times we fall hard and we cry to get help. There wasn’t really any other way yet for us to say we need help. But we’ve quickly learned that by crying we get help.
As we grow up, however, we don’t get the help anymore when we cry. People expect of us that we can help ourselves. Especially when it comes to minor things. When we do need help, we have a hard time to ask for it because we feel ashamed and that voice is exactly your ego, it doesn’t want help to change.
The victim expresses itself in several ways. The body language is one thing and when you look around there are a lot of people in that role. The victim looks mostly down to the earth. If something is being said, the victim listens a lot to the voice in the head and keep the conversation going. The hands are going to the head and a deep sigh is coming from the lungs. A sigh that it is all too much and that life isn’t fair. The bad things always happen to me attitude comes up. This is what costs you a lot of energy which you can use better. It’s like a sink, the water in the sink is your energy. When the plug is pulled out of its position, the energy flows away. But you were not the one that unplugged it.
That’s when the worst comes out of your victim role. You start to blame others or other things for whatever is happening in your life. You could’ve have prevented it from happening but others could have. Complain five minutes and you waste five minutes.
The help you need isn’t coming! You have to get up and get help. You need to put in the effort in order to change.
It’s time to become the leader of your life. The first thing you need is to take responsibility. For whatever situation you are in, is really your responsibility to get out. For example, if you don’t like the place you live in, be aware that you are not a tree and that you can move! We are human beings who are capable of a lot of things. Winning in life is one of them. Not accepting the negative outcome is another. You know you can do better.
But how far do we need to go when it comes to being a leader. Well, if you wash your car for a contest to win a nice price. You make sure it is perfect right? After washing the car and you still see some stains on it. you don’t stop and think it’s all good. No, the leader grabs everything and starts over. As a leader, you don’t know whether this is good enough to win the contest. But he trusts himself that he can do better than the result in front of him.
The leader dreams and sets goals to achieve the dreams. The leader knows he has to put in a lot of effort to make sure his dreams come true. The tasks he gives himself are simple, but it’s not as easy to execute on them. Because there are a lot of distractions, the leader chooses one goal, put in all of his focus and starts doing the things that need to be done. That’s how you get your dreams to become a reality.
The value of the leader is just a lot higher than the role of the victim. The leader sees the value comes from within so he goes deep in his mind and heart to explore what is really there to express the world. We aren’t really aren’t taught to look into ourselves what is there. But once you know what’s inside, it’s just so beautiful that you want to share it.
Fear that is something the leader is aware of. The leader still fears a lot of things, but he doesn’t let fear stop him. On the contrary, he proves that fear is wrong. He battles every fear that comes in his path. The way Les Brown explains what fear means is just beautiful. Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is something to battle because it’s reliant on false evidence. You can prove it’s wrong!
When you are in the role of the victim and you see someone who leads his/her life, you have a choice in what you see. You can take the victim role and be jealous that this person is living life to the fullest. Or you can take the leader’s role and take this as an example of how to lead your life. Even better to be brave enough to ask that person on how to get there.
When I asked for a mastermind session, no one showed up. Now, I have a choice here to either accept I’m a loser or that I learn from this. It was announced only three hours before the call and I thought about it in the morning. I could’ve asked for people to join earlier in the morning that I was going to do this mastermind. There are a lot of reasons I can think of why I was alone. It doesn’t matter. But like Thomas Edison, I will not give up. Thomas Edison failed a lot of times before his first light bulb was working. The thing is he believed he could do this and I believe in myself that I can do this. You need to believe in yourself that you can do the things you want. Even better, you are worth to believe in yourself that you can make things for the better!
A quick summary of being the leader. Take your responsibility for whatever situation you’re in. Accept that life isn’t fair. Insects are being eaten by a lot of predators. That isn’t fair, but it’s life. Make a decision on doing your things to get closer to living your dream. You really have a choice in the role you are going to play. Which role do you prefer to play? Remember as well that the choice you make isn't made just once, the choice has to be made every time and that consumes energy.
A little exercise:
If you have no idea what you can do right now, grab a piece of blank paper and start writing down everything that needs to be done or things you want to have or accomplished. Just write down every thought that comes up, really dump every thought down on that paper.
There are a couple of things on the list that you can do right now. The thing is that you need to make a decision on which one you are going to complete first. It’s said that you should start with the most difficult task you have. But let’s just start with an easy one.
Now, for example, if you wrote down to clean the toilet, clean the toilet. If you haven’t written it down, maybe you want to add it to your list. If the toilet is just way too dirty, make sure you have a responsibility there. Now the cleaning of the toilet might not be described as fun, nor will you get energy from it. But the result of how clean it is, that is where the value lies. You just accomplished something and you used your energy to get a reward from it.